Crazy Cullens
by Patastic
Summary: Crazy Cullens is a bunch of crazy stories about their lives after Breaking Dawn. What horrible, impossible things happen when they're bored? T for language. Has Renesmee and Jacob. Warning: REALLY FUNNY. You know you want to read it...........R&R please.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey People!!!**

**This is Pat.. and this is my first FanFic!!!! I'm so excited! OKay read and review. And tell me what you think!!! If you have any ideas, tell me tell me tell me!!!**

**This is my story, Crazy Cullens!!!!**

**Remember, this is my first fanfic so I am Open for critisism. THANX!!! _Patty. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Um yeah... me owning Twilight.... My dreams don't get that good..... I don't own it... I ADMIT IT...OKAY!!???!!**

**Chapter 1 Piano Lessons**

**EmPOV**

It's Saturday. _Yesssss!!!!! _I can finally do something worth while!! What should I do today? Shave Jacob's Head? Burn Alice's clothes?(Might I add, she'd buy new ones anyway). I'm not in the _mood_ to annoy Jasper... I wouldn't even think about messing with Rosalie... Okay I see. Today's a Edward kinda day.

Jumping all the way down the flight of stairs, I was just in time to catch Edward practicing on the piano.

" Watcha Doin Eddy????" Of course I had the add in the nickname, I knew he hated that more than my thoughts. I wonder what would happen if I pictured myself naked...

" What does it look like I'm doing? And don't call me Eddy. Go Away." He snarled at me, giving me a warning glare. He knew I was irritating him on purpose.

I quickly started singing 'Feliz Navidad' in my head. Edward heard that immediately, and repeated his last words. He knew I was up to no good.

"Emmett, _GO AWAY_!"

" Okay, okay...sheesh. Touchy, much?" I ruffled his hair alittle, pounded at a few keys, and stepped back. He continued to play, as if I wasn't there. GOSH. I _need_more ideas. I NEED something else to piss him off. HA! Other than my newborn little sis, Eddy loves his piano too much...

'' Hey Edd-_ ward_. Can you teach me how to play? I mean, I've been watchin' ya, and I would really like to play for Rose, sometimes..." Heheh. Nothing's worse than letting your abnormally BUFF big brother play on your delicate piano... I just hit him LOW.

"You ...wanna.... learn....how to ...play piano?" Edward asked in disbelief.

"Sure. Why not. I'll have to learn how to play something sooner or later." HA! Eddy! Take that! Betcha didn't see that comin'. Now He'll have to say no, and it'll be a complete annoy fest of _PLEASE????_

Waiting for Edward's inetivable reply, I stood there grinning from ear to ear, leaning on the desk next to it.

"Sure!!!!!! Oh My God! I never got a chance to teach anyone piano!!! Here, Here, sit down... This is an A and an Aflat..."

"Wait, _What?_ You _want_ me to learn piano?"

"Are you kidding? I've been waiting for someone to ask me for like... a hundred years!!!!" He was now clapping his hand together like London Tipton from Suite life of Zach and Cody. _Great._ This is soooo not going according to plan. Dang it!!! Think Emmett! THINK! Say _anything_ that comes from the top of your head...

"Okay!!!" Okay? What was I thinking? Oh yeah, _Say anything that come from the top of your head._ Perfect. Now I was too clapping my hand like London. This is going to be uber fun now.

" Let's start with the Fur Eilse. It's easy. Press this... and this... and this...."

Oh my God, He's _serious._ Maybe he won't notice if I scoot away. I admit it. I can't annoy Eddy today. He's outdone me. I am defeated. Now if I can like... get away quickly.....

"Emmett, where are you going???" He said with a.... wait, is that... is that a _puppy dog face?_

"Uh... I have to go use the bathroom?"

" You can't use the bathroom Emmett, you're a Vampire... remember?"

"I'm a WHAT???"

"Just sit down. You have alot to learn!" Aw, man. He was getting eager again.

"Uh...um Rose..."

"Why are you trying to ditch my piano lesson? Is it because you didn't want to learn all along? Is it that you just wanted to _annoy_ me? Or just plain out hurt my feelings?

'' Well...um...'' I was speechless.

" Because I have feelings too, ya know. I just don't_ annoy_ people for the fun of it." His eyes became just as cold as before, but, correct me if I'm wrong, but, I saw _humor_, in

his expression. Aw, there's that puppy dog face again...

"Um... "

"Because I like to _hurt_ people, who like to annoy me for fun -- "

"Uh... I GOTTA GO HUNT!" I sprinted out the room, for my own good. I wasn't going to let Edward rip me up into pieces! But on the way out the door, I got a glimpse of Bella walking into the living room, accompaining Eddy on the piano stool, giggling.

**EDPOV**

I couldn't help but to burst out laughing on his way out. Bella, who was sitting right next to me, was also doing he was singing Feliz Navidad in his head, Emmett's thoughts were so obvious. He was annoying me on purpose for his own amusement. I was going to say, 'Mess with Jasper, I heard He's_ feeling _in the dumps today, Or, 'Carlisle's on his lunch break!!!' But I decided that letting him get his way, maybe this'll end up being alittle funny for myself.

"So, what was he trying to do?" Bella's eyes weren't questioning. They were more like... amused. On so many levels.

"What else can he do? He was trying to annoy me. And will admit. I almost fell for it." I chuckled.

"Wait. You knew he was trying to annoy you the whole time?"

"Well yes. Of course." I tapped my the temple on my head, while we both smiled in unison. And laughed some more.

I continued to explain the story. "He saw me practicing, and then decided that it would be a good idea to learn how to play. I could tell that he was not interested at all, so _I_ decided, that it would be a good idea to take him seriously. After he realized this, he no longer wanted to learn. I told him that he wasn't being nice, and that I like to hurt people when they mess with me. I couldn't believe he believed me. It's been like 80 years since I've known him, and yet he still believed me. Anyway, he got freaked out, and he ran away like werewolve on fire, saying he was going to hunt. And here you walk in."

She smiled, impressed.

"Good jod...Eddy. Maybe you can teach me sometime."

"Did you just call me-- OH MY GOD,Really????!!!!!!!"

**Author's note:**

**Yet again, thanks for reading. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Have any future ideas??? TELL ME!!!**

**-Thanks a bucketfull, Pat.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey Everybody!!!!**

**This is my Next Chapter to Crazy Cullens! This chapter is dedicated to JasperSaysCalmDown, thanks for your first review!, and Homegrl aka Amanda, for all the epic support ( whoa... sounds like I just came out of therapy) Just to confirm, Bella is a still a Newborn! Renesmee is still a, er, toddler.... Anywayz, please READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer:I have to say that I don't own Twilight ...right....??? Okay, fine... I don't . Ya' Happy???**

**Chapter 2 RENESMEE WANTS WHAT RENESMEE WANTS**

**JasperPOV**

All of us were sitting in the living room. Carlisle was reading the paper, with Esme, who was reading over his shoulder. Bella was next to Edward, me sitting next to Alice, watching Renessme play with her barbies, and its little pink car that came with it. Jacob was also sitting on the floor with her. For like the 5th time today, we all watched her pop the head off the barbie, and throw it over to a pile, which consisted of broken Dolls. She continued to play with the little car, and then I felt a vibe of fustration. Why was she so fustrated? Renesmee walked up to me, and placed a hand on my face.

_What I saw was little Renesmee, playing with a buttons in the drivers seat of a car. She waddled outside of the velichle, and marveled at it. It was a pink car. I very pretty pink car at that. It had purple streaks on the top, that resembled her little Barbie car. I couldn't help but notice the car was a Volvo._

"Wow Renesmee. That's a wonderful idea. You should definatly follow through with that." I couldn't help but chuckle. I replayed the images in my head, and watched Edward's face twist into horror.

"NO Renesme. You can't paint daddy's precious car pink.", he immediatly answered. Renesmee's anger flared up, not fully understanding what he was telling her. My guess is that she probably knew it wasn't good. She stared up into his face bewildered. Oooo... Wrong move Edward. You _never _say no to Renesmee.....Though Renesmee started working up some tears, Edward still didn't seem to change his mind.

'' Edward, _don't_ let her cry...." Bella sighed, picking her up, and gave her a nuzzel. I threw a wave of calm to Renesmee. We DON'T want her to cry.

"I've made my decision. And it's final!!" He got up, and ran upstairs. I guess he didn't want to feel guilty with her famous puppy dog face.

Renesmee touched my face once again, slightly confused by her father's sudden anger.

"It's because he doesn't love you." Jacob murmured, and got his punishment quickly. Rosalie rushed over, and slapped him upside his head with a satisfying _WACK._

"Didn't we train the dog to speak when spoken to?", Rosalie gave a dazzling smile, and an evil snicker. She was very pleased with her comments.

"Do wanna hear a joke, Rosalie?" Er, No one needed Alice to see what was coming next. Although his jokes apply to me, too, they aren't offending. Truley I don't really mind. But of course, I always laugh, because their so fricken' funny! Usually, Rosalie would get him back one way or the other. She's pretty good at the revenge thing.

"No. But I've probably heard it, you idiot." She turned her head, her nose up. Her expression said, _I don't have time for this._

"I'll tell it to you anyway. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?...Anyone? C'mon, it's easy!"

And as if were procedure, we all said in unison, "Why?" Jacob smeared a smile on to his face, and ready to answer, as if it were his life's purpose. He paused before he could say the catch phrase, to glance at Rosalie. We all did, it was too priceless. She seemed like she really wanted to kill him. She looked at me, her eyes yelling, _Jasper, you're a blonde too, DO SOMETHING!_ Sorry Rose, not this time, I wanna hear this.

"The blonde tip-toed past the medicine cabinet, so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills! Get it? _Sleeping pills!_" We all laughed, and Rosalie's surprised face looked as if she were wondering why we were encouraging Jake. Ew. Did I just call him Jake?

"Ahehehehe, Jacob, that sooo funny. Wow." Rosalie put on the best fake smile. Then she folded her arms, her expression was dead serious. " No. It wasn't. I'll get you."

I was expecting her to say, _And your little dog too._ But that wouldn't apply for Jake--_ubb_, because he _is_ the little dog, too.

I didn't notice that Edward was back downstairs, holding Renesmee, but he didn't apologize. Renesmee noticed that. She placed her hand on his arm, and Edward simply stated, "Renesmee wants icecream."

"Icecream, icecream!" She started jumping on the balls of her feet and turned to face her father, with her full set of baby teeth showing. She rubbed her two stubby hands together like Emmett usually does when he has a plan.

"I'll go make you one," Esme offered, but Renesmee refused. At this point, she still looked 4, maybe 5ish, but she was so _smart._

"No. I want Daddy to make it."

He turned to face Bella, giving her a confused smile. He walked into the kitchen, and as swiftly as he walked in, seconds later, he came out with a icecream cone, covered with jellybeans, gummy bears, and sprinkles.

"That is alot, Daddy." She stared at the human master-peice with awe. "Can you share it with me? I can't finish it by myself"

We all turned to Eddy Boy with humored faces. Thats right, I called you Eddy, Eddy. This is going to be funny. Unless you'll say NO, to your Renesmee...

"Um, er, Renesmee, dear, you know daddy can't eat that, it makes him very sick. Ask Jacob."

Renesmee turned to Jacob, and asked. " Jakie, do you wanna share this icecream with me?"

Jacob looked and Edward's discusted face, then the ice cream, that wasn't melting in Edward's hand. Then he looked at Renesmee's perfected puppydog face.

"Nah. I'll let your Daddy eat it with you this time. Next time okay?"

Renesmee turned on her the heals of her feet...hehe I taught her that... to face her father again. The look on her face was priceless, she asked again.

"I can't." He replied.

" I told you he didn't love you...." Jacob whispered in her ear. Rosalie raised her hand, and I'll admit it, I wanted her to hit him too. But Edward stopped her.

"Don't Rosalie, Renesmee, I love you very much. But I can't eat that sweet, human food. It doesn't fall right in my stomach. Like I said before, it makes me very sick okay?"

We all heard Jacob whisper into Renesmee's ear again, like he was her advisor. It sounded like: _He's saying no, Renesmee, HE SAID NO!_ I was just sitting back, putting my hand around Alice while watching the show. Edward, I think you really did just say no. TO RENESMEE. Good luck my friend.

As I was thinking this in Edward's direction, my Alice slipped into a vision. She grasped my hand, but didn't gesture to give her paper to sketch on. I guess it wasn't important. As if someone switched her off vision mode, she turned to me and giggled. This'll be good.

"Daddy said no to me?" Her small face features that were so innocent a second ago, twisted into angry, imp like expression. Tears started to well up into her eyes, and her lips started to tremble, with a look that could break hearts. But then she had an high pitched screech that could break eardrums. She turned to hug her mother, but turned again to hug Jacob, who was trying not to cover his ears.

Rosalie twitched.

"All I ask for is for you to help me eat my icecream, BUT NO!"

"Renesmee. please--"

"NO! GO AWAY DADDY!"

"Okay Renesmee, I'll eat the icecream," Edward tried to keep his cool, with my help, I tried to keep him calm. You don't yell at Nessie. If he tried to argue with her, he would certainly lose. He took the icecream cone, and in three quick bites, it was gone.

"Uh, that wasn't a good idea Edward." I said, in a singy voice, I was mocking him.

Renesmee's face was filled with horror, for she just realized what he just did.

"You _ate my icecream???"_ She repeated her screech, this time with more umph. She was waving her hands as if she were fanning her little face. She grabbed at Jacob for comfort.

"Oh! Oh hon. I'm sorry! I'll make you another one!" Edward attempted to pick her up, but she swatted at him.

"No! I WANTED THAT ONE!" She clung on to Jacob, and asked him for help.

"RENESMEE I'M SORRY!" Eddy raised his voice now. Tsk tsk tsk. I told you that wasn't a good idea.

Jacob picked her up into the next room. Jacob murmurred, "Smooth move Eddy." I have to agree with him. I mean, seriously? You yelled at Renesmee? I'd piss off Rosalie before but I'd think about messin' with Ness!

* * * LATER THAT DAY* * *

I was in my study, not truley caring what I was reading, just reading it for the moment. Alice was lying on the floor, looking at the ceiling tapping her fingers on her stomach. 3 hard knocks assaulted the door, with Edward's voice following after it.

"Jasper, can I talk to you?''

"Who is it?" Alice whispered.

"JASPER, can I talk to you?" Edward seemed impatient.

I replied with a 'Sure'. And stepped into the hall. I could feel his tension, so I made an effort to calm him down.

"Renesmee is way mad at me." Edward panted.

"So."

"So I need your help. What should I do?"

Aw c'mon Edward. Your asking ME? Asking me about kids? No, not even a kid....RENESMEE?

"Uh... I don't know...." I voiced. Unsure if I should talk to him about Renesmee.

"Buy her new dolls?"

" Nah...." I slipped my thumbs into the belt loops of my jeans.

"Um... how about, an icecream truck?"

"I don't think Nessie wants icecream anymore."

"C'mon Jasper. Help me out here."

"What makes you think I know anything about kids?"

" Well...You do hang out with Alice all the time..."

"What?"

" Nothing. Forget it." Edward turned around, in defeat. How was he going to get Renesmee to like him again? In his eyes, Renesmee disliking him now, must feel like she hates him forever. He refused her wishes, not only once, but twice. I got nothing. I don't know how to get Renesmee to like Ed again. Unless....

Edward whipped his head around, waiting for me to voice my idea. I winced. I didn't want to be the one to tell him. He stared me down with eager eyes, and then I started to get uncomfortable. Sigh. I have no choice.

"Um well, Edward. I have an idea, but your not going to like it...."

* * *

After Me and Eddy's talk about Ness, I walked down stairs with a pleased look on my face. How did Alice get there so fast? Well, Everybody was sitting in the family room, Emmet watching Football, and Rosalie being his cheerleader. Jacob was trying to put the heads back on Renesmee's dolls. When was he going to realize that we will buy her new ones? Esme got up from her seat next to Carlisle, searching.

I watched Esme sniff alittle, and look around, a few seconds later, she asked, with a worried face,

"Where's Renesmee?"

Alice looked at me, wanting me to answer.

"She's in the garage, helping Edward paint his car pink."

**Author's note:**

**Thanks for reading! PLEASE REVIEW! **

**Why do I wan't Icecream all of sudden????**

**Patpat.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sup!!! It's Pat. OMIGOD OMIDOD OMIGOD!!!!!!!!!! A few Saturdays ago we saw ****Jackson's ****Band, 100 monkeys!!!!!! They are really good...and HOT!! Tell you more about the story at the author's note at the end of this chapter. Believe me you wanna read it...**

**I guess I will always do dedications, cause I love the reviews, Thanks!**

**This Chapter is dedicated to JasperSaysCalmDown (The answer is sure, dedicate anytime you want ), Homegrl aka Amanda(Jackson,AAAAHHHHH! )**

**WeLoVeTwIlgHt212, and iamnotupsestwithjasper. I love you guys pennames.... Anyway R&R, (I just found out that means read and review...jk...no seriously.) ENJOY! Remember, If you have any ideas, tellme!!!!(Better Chapters are after this one!)**

**The next few chapters might be late. I just moved. I was bored when I wrote this chapter cause I wanted to show how bad it probably is for Edward to be a mind 's okay if it sucks. It was just an idea. Don't complain. Hey...It made me laugh....**

**oh any noticed grammer mistakes in the last chapters... sorry i suck so bad (TWSS)**

**Disclaimer: I'm just writing an innocent story...I mean a disclaimer is soooo unnecessary...like, oh--Okay, I don't own anyting....humph!**

**Chapter 3-- IT SUCKS BEING THE MIND READER**

**EdwardPOV **

It sucks being the mind reader. My siblings always think I know everything they are thinking every second of the day. I don't know, nor do I care. We were all sitting in our little private Cullen Corner of the hospital parking lot waiting for Carlisle. I couldn't help but to gaze at Alice as I rubbed my head in agony. This was the daily headache. This was the daily price of having Alice as my favorite little sister. I grabbed Bella's hand for support. She knew what I was going through.

_Shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping! I'm Gonna TAKE BELLA SHOPPING!!_

How long can a person think about the same word for an hour straight?

"Alice can you please think of something other than _shopping_? You're killing me here." I pleaded with her, and gave her the puppy dog face I had learned from Bella and Nessie.

"Are you sure you wanna do that, Edward? I mean aren't you excited? I'm going to get Bella out of those stupid cotton shirts. GAWD, Edward. Stop overracting."

_Goodness, I hate those shirts. And those Jeans! Get some style Bella! Shopping, Shopping shopping...._

" Alice, PLEASE. If you keep saying that word in your head... I'm, I'm gonna uh...."

"Ah, give it a rest Edward. OKay fine. No more thinking about shopping."

Alice slowly looked around the lot, for a new subject. Then she glaced at Jasper, then turned back to me with a devious smile on her face. Aww Alice... don't do it.....

_Oh my Gosh, Jasper looks so good in that jacket.... whoa! Did I buy that for him? And his hair! It's soooo sexy! I mean who's hotter that Jasper? I just might cancel my afternoon with Bella for alittle alone time.... I just wish he would take his jacket off, and the shirt. And the pants........_

I shook my head in horror as I realized that she was giving me a slide show of mental pictures.

"Jasper make her stop!"

He turned to me completely oblivious what Alice was showing me. He felt my tortured vibe and looked for the right words to make this situation a question.

"What is she _doing to you_?"

She turned to him, and whispered in his ear. I heard her tell him exactly what she was doing, and she also told him she wasn't showing him naked. THANK GOD! (A/N If Alice were thinking of Jasper naked... i wanna be Edward for a while.)

Jasper smiled, and then flipped his hair, and did a side grin, winking at her. Gross. Alice then pretended to fan her self, and flooded her mind with more innapropriate images. I saw Jasper whisper in Emmett's ear, and then Emmett did the same to Rosalie. Eventually Rosalie told Bella, and then she smiled at me. It took a few seconds, but they all burst into laughter. Alice didn't stop her cruel and unusual punishment. She continued, this time everyone was aware.

"Alright. I'll stop." She finially said 4 minutes into the laughter. 4 minutes that might cause me to get therapy. She did stop, and started to think about the outfit she was going to wear tomorrow. I was grateful. While the climate was still in this humorous, peaceful mood, I was quick to change the subject, before the subject became me again.

" Uh Emmett, um what are you doing, tomorrow? It's Saturday."

He quickly turned his head in a inhuman speed.

"What do you know about what I'm doing tomorrow?" He narrowed his eyes. Truley, I didn't know anything. _Just trying to change the subject_.

" Ah, nothing. Actually." He continued to narrow his eyes, and whoa, I'm getting alittle scared. Spoiling Emmett's plan was like tell him Santa didn't exist. I remember that day...

* * * FLASHBACK* * *

_" It's Christmas Eve! Shhhhh! Go to sleep Edward! You have to be asleep when he comes!" Emmett jumped up and down like a 2 year old._

_"You can't go to sleep, Emmett. You're a Vampire."_

_"I'm a WHAT!?!"_

_"Seriously? And, whose coming?" (__**That's what she said)**_

_**"**__Santa, SILLY!" Then he playfully nudged me._

_"Emmett." I sighed." Santa's , well,--"_

_"Edward, don't try to tell me he's dead, 'cause he's not dead. He's like an old... Immortal guy. I would know. Rose told me."_

_"You think he's-- nevermind. Emmett. Tell me your kidding, so I can walk away."_

_'' Why would I be kidding? It's Nine'o'clock! We have to go to bed!"_

_"I Don't have a bed, remember?" Emmett looked at me up and down, and chuckled._

_"Oh, ohyeah...sorry. Well go sleep on your couch thingy."_

_"I'm not pretending to go to sleep, cause Santa's--'_

_"NINE' O' ONE!"_

_"Emmett, I dont know how to tell you this!"_

_"Just get it off you feminine chest dude."_

_"You think my chest is feminine?"_

_"O' two!!"_

_"SANTA'S NOT REAL!"_

_Emmett ended up ripping down all the Christmas decorations. He was on the roof all night, moaning 'Nooooooooooo, noooo'. It took us a solid week to convince him that I was kidding, and that Santa just happened to miss our house that night._

* * * PRESENT * * *

"Good. That's Good." He turned around just as fast as he did the first time.

People started leaving the hospital, most of the shifts were over. Carlisle still had another 2 hours to go. Yippee! I walked away from my family, so their thoughts faded, and I've never been happier to get away from them in my life. I don't have to see them for the rest of the day, except Bella.

* * * LATER THAT DAY * * *

Hopping into my Volvo, and starting the car with my installed push start button, I didn't care to see who was in the front seat with me. I turned to see Emmett, who was about an half an inch away from my face, his dark hair almost made me confuse him as Bella...aw Gawd, if I did what I think I would have done if it were....

"Tell me what you know." he snarled at me.

"Seriously, nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing. Nada. Nil. N--"

" What do they mean?"

"Nothing, Emmett."

"No! I wanna know!"

"NOTHING! THEY MEAN NOTHING!"

"I'm tired of you keeping things away from us. It's because you can read minds right? RIGHT? What am I thinking right now?

"Nothing."

"There's that word again!"

"Emmett. Seriously. What are you doing tomorrow that is making you _piss me off!" _

He growled this time. Whatever he was doing, it wasn't good, or any of my business.

"Don't act like you don't know, cause I know, you know, I know that you know what I am thinking, Because do_ you know _what I am thinking right now? NOTHIN'!"

"EXACTLY!"

"I'm watchin you....knowitall.....consider youself warned....." Emmett took his index and middle finger, pointed them to his eyes then mine. Mouthing, 'I'm watching you.' Then he army rolled out the car like an idiot. I chuckled and shook my head.

The door still sat wide open, just inviting another person to disturb me. I made another attept to close the door, and failed. Rosalie slid in with ease, and she straighted up her oh-so-perfect hair in my sideview mirror.

"What do you WANT?!?"

"Nothing. Just want you to tell me what Emmett is doing tomorrow."

"What makes you think I know?"

"Your the one who can read minds, ...right?"

"..."

"O c'mon. Tell me." She looked at the mirror again to this fix her flawless lipgloss.

"Nothing. He was thinking _nothing."_

"Is that like your favorite word or something?"

"J-j-just go away."

"Fine. I would think you could be helpful,_ once."_ She left then. And I was thankful. Who would have thought my fam would be so annoying? Thinking noone else would dare enter this car again, I took my time closing the door.

Then Jasper zipped in.

Dang it.

"Jasper...go away."

"Hey, hey, don't have to be all mean about it. I just wanted you to tell Bella that Alice's afternoon schedule was erased. I guess. Um...she can't go shopping. She'll be preoccupied--"

"STOP. I get it. Fine." I DON'T want him to start letting me see the same things Alice showed me earlier in the parking lot.

"Okay. Thanks. Yeah Sorry about that...no hard feelings?" Jasper held out his hand, smiling.

"NONE. Can you just go now?" I shook his hand, then shoved him out of the car. I just want my piano.......

I tried One last time to shut the door. Another blur filled the seat.

"WOULD YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Edward, you okay?" I quickly noticed the voice. Bella. And I screamed at her. Dang it.

"Jussa'nother headache..um sorry I yelled."

"S'okay. Er, Being the mind reader must suck."

"You have no idea." I rubbed my forehead like like it was procedure. Alice was _definaltely not _thinking about shopping again.

**Thanks for reading XD**

**Here's the story.**

**Anyway last saturday we saw Jackson Rathbone AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!! Well the place was like a house club, and you have to be like.... 18- 21 to get in, with $5. Me and my sis passed, though we are sooooo not 18, and so did my cousin...cause she kinda is. We listened to the first band with out complain, they were kind of good. I saw this guy. He had Jackson sexy hat, and i was like**

**"Amanda, thats him!!!! (shes my cousin)" **

**And she walked over and said brb. The music was so loud. She went to the bathroom, and I text her, 'where are u?" and she was like..."I'm not in the bathroom anymore. come here."**

**I walked over and she was gesturing me to look behind her, and when I did Jackson was like right behind her!! I smiled, though I couldn't feel my face. we turned around and worked our way to the front of the little stage. It was time for 100 monkeys to go on. We had all of our posters packed in out car to get signed.**

**HIS BAND WAS AWESOME!!!!!**

**They make up songs from the top of their head, just switching instruments when they please. JACKSON IS SOOOOOOO SEXY!!!!!! He did his sexy side grin the whole time and i thought I melted!!!!! Awwww i wanna cry now!**

**And then when everyone got quiet at one point, because there had to be at the most 25 people in this little room, I said to Jackson**

**"I love you guys hats...they're awesome"**

**And JACKSON said: "Well 'a thankyou, I love yer smile."**

**I yelled "OMIGOD!!!!" everyone looked at me...all of them jealous...XD**

**I thought I died just then......awwwwww Amanda had to hold my wrist to keep me from falling. I swear. If i wasn't thinking----**

_**autograph...autograph......**_

**I would have fainted......**

**Then at the end of the show, we watched them pack up, then and watched them unpack into their car.**

**We wanted to know what car they came in so we could....well...**

**anyway when we got outide, I had a piece of paper, and i wanted it to be signed. I asked him, and he said 'sure, what's your name?' **

**'Patricia' I said in my sexy vioce. JK...I don't have a sexy voice.**

**Then ran across the street to get me stuff to sign out of the car. I came back And Amanda was talking to him. We started talking about how we really loved his hats. Then Amanda showed him the cover to Senior Skip day. He smiled, and laughed. We wanted him to say his opening line, (look it up in youtube...It's sooo funny) He tried but laughed to hard. Like bells, in my ears. He signed my other poster, and asked my name again. **

**I said "Patricia, o remember my name, you **_**will **_**see me again."**

**He laughed, and so did other people. They thought we were hogging him.**

**The he chuckled "Hopefully not outside my window. That happened before..."**

**I wasn't kidding. HE WILL SEE ME AGAIN!!!!!**

**Me and Amanda gave him a bigggggggggggg HUG and a KISS (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)**

_**He smelt soooooooo gooood! Better than flowers or any perfumes! He smelt like a really awesome, real vampire. REALLY SEXY!**_

**The when we got inside the car we had a scream fest....then saw the car they were in and thought hmmmm.......**

**we ended up following his car, and we even wrote down the lisence plate number (my sister did that)**

**I still get the chills when I think about that beautiful night....my life is complete.....**

**Read and Review! WHOOP!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wassup Ya'll!!! It's Pat!**

**This chapter is dedicated to...**

**I haven't written a Jacob story yet...sooo...here it is! LIke I said before These stories might be late..I just moved, and the Internet will take 10-15 business days... stupid company.**

**This Chapter is dedicated to, Homegrl aka Amanda........aka my cousin for giving me ideas, imnotupsetwithjasper, JasperSaysCalmDown, Team Jasper and Volturi, and WeLoVeTwIlIgHt212. Yeah, me and Amanda are still kinda screaming about the night we saw Jackson. I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN! He probably thought I was kidding! If your a Jasper/Jackson fan say WHOO WHOO!**

**Disclaimer: I own Twilight...sue me. (I don't. Please don't try to arrest me Stephanie....:C)**

**Chapter 4! (Whoa I'm hype today) BABY SITTER**

**Don't complain if this chapter's a long one. It just might be. **

**AlicePOV **

After me and Edward's little situation the other day, I happened to forget about me taking Bella shopping. Skipping down the steps, I pecked Jasper on the cheek, passing him on the way down. It wasn't Edward who was sitting in the Fam-room, it was Esme and Carlisle making out. Wait. _Making Out_? Why didn't I see that coming? I scowled at the unusual image and passed on into the Kitchen. There he was! Edward, Ness and Bells. They were sitting there attempting to feed her, trying to force the formula and pudding down her throat, while she refused with hard shoves and moans.

"Bella, we're going shopping!"

She quickly turned around, dropping the spoon, completely giving up on feeding Renesmee.

"No we aren't." She shook her head, and waved her hands around. I wasn't giving up so easily.

"YES we are. Today. Right now. I have forseen--"

"I have the power to change the future, Alice."

"Right now you don't have a choice. Edward. We are going shopping."

Edward turned his (oversized head if you ask me) pretty fast." What does this have to do with me? Go shopping. I don't care."

He just didn't get it. "Bella obviously doesn't want to go shopping..."

"So"

"Well, other than thinking about shopping like I usually do, I guess I could think about Jasper..."

He shot up out of his seat on the counter, eagerly saying "Bella! We're going shopping!"

"Well, um what about Renesmee? We need someone to watch her."

I was getting bored listening to their conversation, so I gave them gestures to hurry up. We've got shopping to do!

"Uh, um I guess I'll watch'er." Edward suggested. No, no. He should come to. I want his opinions.

I could tell that he could read my mind, but that wasn't enough to convince him that he shouldn't baby sit Ness.

"That's not a good idea Edward. I don't think Renesmee wants you to babysit her." interrupted Bella.

"Why not?"

"She's not over the icecream thing. Renesmee, do you want daddy to babysit you?"

"NO!" Renesmee practically yelled. I saw that coming. Renesmee did not want Edward to babysit her. Not after that icecream incident.

_Edward we gotta go now. I see a redhead trying to steal my Prada bag in about 45 minutes. Need to go. NOW! We'll get Rosalie and Em to do it or something. Just stop worrying about it. Jasper's coming with us too. He needs new boots. He's had those other ones for about three whole days! _

"Alright Alice. I'll go with you. Maybe Rosalie will." Edward finally surendered.

We made our way through the family room with out burning our eyes out of our skulls. That's what would probably happen if we glanced at Esme and Carlisle. Jacob happened to walk in, . He smelt worse than yesterday!

"Sup family." He greeted. Eww... well, I guess we can call him family too. I_ guess_.

The room flooded with 'hi's' and 'heys'. I should include the smothered 'hello' from Carlisle. They are still making out?

"Edward. Prada Bag." I sneeered out the word PRADA. I don't really like the cheap brand, but that red bag would look good with the outfit I saw I was going to buy. Can't buy the outfit or the bag if Edward keeps stalling. Jasper appeared next to me just then, returning the peck on the cheek I gave him earlier.

"Ewww. I smell one dirty _dog_." Rosalie snarled at Jake, as she glided down the steps, followed by Emmett.

"I agree. Let's go Rose." Emmett pulled her away to the door.

''Hey what, where are you going, Emmett? I thought you could take care of Ness for me." Edward asked.

Emmett answered rather quickly."Uh, like _you don't know _Edward. Remember? I had _plans _for today. I'm taking Rose out."

"Whose gonna take care of Nessie then?" Edward looked around the room for anyone to volunteer. Not me. PRADA BAG!!!! No one wanted Carlisle and Esme to watch her in their current state, either.

"_Renesmee"_ Bella pointed out.

"I'll do it." Jake volunteered. No one expected to hear his voice. Everyone turned to look at Jacob like he was crazier than usual. I don't care. We don't have to worry about her gettin hurt. I just hope he knows that taking care of Nessie meant that he might not live to see tomorrow.

"Alright let's go! You'll baby sit Ness. Shopping shopping shopping...." I started babbling about how that if I don't get there soon, I will. Get. Revenge.

"Okay come on, Bella." Edward opened the door, Letting Rose, Em, and Jasper out the door. Bella stopped to hand Jacob a list of things Renesmee needs. I didn't care to look. I ignored Carlisle and Esme, and watched as we all filed into Edward's pink car.

**JacobPOV**

I don't see it as a big deal. Me? Babysitting Nessie? No problem, let me just take a look at what Bella has on this stupid list...

_To Jacob_

_DON'T mess any of this up_

_Let her watch her favorite T.V. show: Wild Animals, Lioness attacks_

_Give her a nap, no matter how hard it is._

_Barbie time next_

_Feed her. Formula and her pudding. No sugar. NO ICECREAM!_

_Dress up time. Renesmee closet is in her room first door on the right._

_Another nap_

_She has an 2 hour play time after that._

_She will be hungry again. She has a cup of blood on the counter. Give it to her __**slowly.**_

_15 minute clean up time_

_10 minute relax time_

_continue to finish the day with play._

_9:00 Dinner. There is chicken on the table. SHE MUST EAT IT!_

_Put her to bed. Give her a story or somethin'._

_Do not wake her up. You will be sorry if you do._

_We'll be back at 9:30. ON THE DOT._

_Here's 100 dollars if you need something._

_Jacob, if you screw this up... I will break your arms. Her schedule is precious._

_-Bella_

Wow. Who would have thought a kid that looks 5 gets a planned schedule. I don't get a planned schedule....well I get a hundred bucks. That'll work.

Renesmee still sat in the kitchen, finishing her breakfast on her own. Good jod Bells. I walked in and picked her up. She softly placed her hand on my forehead:

_Where's everybody?_

_"_They had to go...shopping. I guess. Carlisle and Esme left too. They said it would be best, or sum'im like that."

Yet again, she placed her hand on my face.

_It's just us? _

_"_Yeah. It is. I have stuff for you to do. Let's get started." I picked her up again, this time taking her to the living room to the t.v.. What is this Lioness shiz? I turned the television on, and it automatically turned to that channel. It started out with animals attacking each other, ripping the skins off their backs. I flinched, it was pretty gross. Not for Ness. She sat, clapping her hand saying 'grrrrrr grrrr'. Freaky, man. Is this what they teach her? I had to interrupt.

"Uh, Renesmee? Do you wanna watch something else?"

"NO!" She continued to clap her hands, and watched in interest when the lion killed the wolf like creature. Hey, that wolve looks like me....

"Okay Ness, let's watch something else!" I switch the channel, and I didn't expect Ness's reation. Renesmee jumped on my back and bit me on my neck, resembling the lion."OOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!! What the hell!" I turned to see her face, innocent like she didn't do anything wrong."hell, hell-ping out your mother by babysitting you." She placed her hand on my face, showing that she wanted me to turn back.

"Alright nap time for you, missy."

"My name is Renesmee. NOT Missy."

"Hey hey. Miss Sassy." Did I just say Sassy to Ness? Hmmm. That's a first.

"I'm not sleepy. Nope. I'm not gonna go to sleep. Your not going to make me."

I stared at her in awe. She sounded just like her stubborn mother.

"Just about 10 minutes. God. Can you do that for me? PLEASE?" I gave her the puppy dog face I had caught from her a few days ago. IT'll work for me, cause Renesmee thinks I'm a cute puppy dog.

"For you. Okay." She laid her head on a pillow on the couch, and was knocked out. I thought that was easy. Bella's soooo overracting. Renesmee's not so hard to crack. Hey...I could use a nap too....

Then Renesmee shot up, yawning and stretching. Ten minutes already? I rubbed the back of my neck, her teeth marks already gone. Like clockwork, she picked up her four barbies on the floor and started to give them voices. 2 were boys, and 2 were girls. One couple resembled her parents. The others didn't look like anyone I know.

" Blah blah blah. Here Jacob, take the one that looks like Daddy. I'll be mommy."

"Ah. okay. Um." I have no idea how to play with barbies. And I couldn't say no. I CAN'T say no. Well this couldn't be so hard... I guess. Just make it act like Edward...

"Ummm....'Hi-uh- honey--"

"Daddy doesn't say honey, Jacob. He says 'love' you have to say LOVE!"

"Right. -'HI, Bella, love." She smiled, an impressed smile. I wasn't so bad at this.

I continued. "Um- 'How have you been today?'

Then she yelled. " 'Did you feed Renesmee? Did you hunt? huh? huh?' "

"Um. Ness. Which one is you?" she picked up the other barbie. It had brown hair and eyes. It looked to be about 20 years of age.

"And this one is you." She picked up another barbie, a Ken, some call it. It was slightly darker skinned, with black hair. It _looked_ like me... Weird, man

Then she started quoting me

" 'Rosalie's an idiot, Bella, why are you still clumsy and a vampire?, HELL!"

"Whoa. I don't say hell!"

"You juss' did!"

"Um. Don't tell your mommy I said that in front of you. Or Rose. OR Esme. Y'know, Keep that from Alice too." She placed her palm on my cheek wondering why.

"Juss' do it, please. It's life or death, for me well juss' death."

I checked the list again. Time for something other than barbies. The one that looks like me was staring me straight in the eye, Creepy, man. This was going according to plan, right now. Says she has to be fed. Kay. Easier than barbies.

I walked in the kitchen, and then back out, with formula and pudding. The Ken doll that looked like me was now headless on the floor. If this is a warning or something....

"Time to eat, Ness." She then noticed the kind of food in my hands, and pushed me away.

"I don't wanna eat it. I'm not gonna!"

"Yes you are!"

"NO I'M NOT!"

"YES YOU ARE!" Esme warned me not to yell at her. She WILL put up a fight.....

"Can I just have Icecream?" She threw her angelic face expression at me, and I couldn't help but to go under her perfected hypnotizing magic mojo. I can't say no. And she is keeping the 'hell' secret. Bella probably doesn't want her to have icecream because she'll loose her appetite. I'll make her eat. Not to worry Bells.

I went into the kitchen again, returning the formula and pudding stuff. I couldn't help but to taste it. Hey. Banana. Not to bad. What is with Renesmee?

I bought back an icecream that looked like the one Edward ate the other day. Haha. Makes me laugh everytime I think about it. It took him 3 bites to go through it. It took Renesmee about 5. She was so messy too. Like I said, creepy, man. Next on the list. I fed Renesmee..... uh.....dressup? Nah, nah, not gon' happen. I skipped that, but we need something else to fill the time space. We're skipping the other nap too. She doesn't need to sleep so much. GOSH. So that 3 hours and 45 minutes of free time. We could, um go to the park. She wouldn't like that. She'd just bite some kid. We could... maybe it'll be best if I ask her.

" Renesmee, what do you wanna do?"

Just then, a commercial came on, the ' FUN WORLD' amusement park. Damn commercial. Comes on every 10 seconds. I will NEVER be seen there. EVER. Renesmee literally slapped my face in anticipation when she showed me the commercial again.

''You wanna go there? THERE?" I asked stupidly. Renesmee slapped my face again, but this time just to slap me.

"YES silly!"

"Alright then, let's go." I walked into the garage, the floor now tinted pink, I guess the paint never got out. The only car that was there was Rosalie's hideous red car, sitting awkwardly in the middle of the hollow room. All the keys to the vehicles sit on an organized shelf, totally open to the public. I guess no one's stupid enough to try to steal a car from the Cullens. I took the blondie's keys hopped into the car, buckling up Ness in the passenger seat. That's okay, right? I started the car saying, "To FUN WORLD!" She clapped her stubby hands in agreement, as we made our way to the park.

On the way though I turned on the radio for affect, because we had the hood down. Renesmee liked the fresh air. I switched through stations and stations, until Renesmee came to a pause, and told me to stop at one song.

"_ Who let the dogs out, woof, woof woof, woof, woof!" _she sang. I HATE that song.

"WHAT THE HELL NESS!!!??!!"

"I thought you didn't say that word!" She frowned. I hate it when she frowns too. Whatever. I hate that song _waaaaaaayyyyyy _more. I mean, seriously? That song sucks!

"Who taught you that song!?" I screamed, I know I shouldn't, at Renesmee, but Hey, I wanted to know.

"Rosie! Rosie! She said sing it around you _all the time_. I forgot."

"Well don't."

She lay her hand on mine.

_Why not?_

"Because I hate that song." We ended up driving into the parking lot, of FUN WORLD, then, and Renesmee continued to sing that stupid song. We walked into the amusment park, I ended up buying the tickets with the money Bella left me. After entering the Entrance, I was suddenly flooded by a bunch of women of all ages, smuthering me about how cute Renesmee was.

"She's so adorable!" a woman with dark hair said.

"Is she your daughter?" An older lady asked.

"Look how cute she is!" that girl seemed about 19. Hey, she's kinda hot....

We slipped our way out of the crowd to start getting on rides. She got on the merry-go round twice, And I got on the pony with her. The other women blushed when I smiled, whoa, they think I'm hot! Or do they think I'm cute because I'm babysitting Ness...

I looked down at Renesmee,and she smiled when the ride started again. The girl who looked about 19 glanced at me again. Hey, she really was hot. I smiled back at her and waved. I turned back to Renes-- HEY! WHERE DID SHE GO? OH MY GOD!!!! WHERE IS RENESMEE?

Looking around the merry go round, I saw nothing. I ignored the blushing ladies, and continued to look for Ness. My god. They're going to _kill_ me. No no. I'm going to kill _myself _if I don't find her. I'm no Edward...though.

Then I felt my phone vibrate, accompanied with my ringtone full of very bad language. I checked the ID.

Bella. Dang it.

My hands shakey, I lifted the song out of my pocket, and pressed talk.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Jacob?"

"Hey, Bella, um, how'ya doing?"

"That doesn't sound like you. Something wrong?"

"Nah, um, nothin at all... just, just-" I quickly glanced at the list to see what we were supposed to be doing. " j-j-j just dressin' up."

"That was an hour ago, Jacob."

"She likes to play....."

"Can I talk to her?" Bella seemed excited. Oh shiz. She wants to talk to her.

"Uh, sure. Aww. Aww crap. She just went to sleep. Aww look how cute she is!"

"I know! Well please tell her mommy loves her... please!"

"Sure, sure."

"And that she's the cutest thing in the world."

"Okay..."

"And that mommy will _die _if anything happened to her. So tell her to be good." I swallowed hard. Bella was scaring me.

"Yea, I'll tell 'er."

"Alright bye Jake."

"Bye Bye Bella....."

"Okay,"

"Seeya later."

"Yup.... 9:30 sharp...."

"Alright."

"Bye."

I hung up as soon as I could. The guilt was murdering me. I continued to look for Renesmee. I know it's not a possiblity that someone would take her, or that someone would, but the fact that it could happen scared me even more. What if I couldn't find her?

I went through a cold sweat looking for her. I walked around the merry-go-round again, panicking, and panting, all kinds of reactions. I need to find her._ Need _to find her. I _have_ to find her. Just then, I heard a carol of bells. My favorite sound in the world. Her golden, one-of-a-kind, beautiful laughter.

I looked to my left, and to my right, and I couldn't see her. The laughs continued somewhere behind me, so I turned around.

Thank God.

Renesmee stood smiling, as the older lady who asked me if she were my daughter continued to give her jokes and candy. Did, d-d-did she just ask her to go with her? NOOOOOOO!

"Get away from her, you creepy old lady!!!" I shoved her away, and grabbed Renesmee.

"Sorry sir, she's just so cute!"

"So cute, you wanted to take her?"

"NO! no. I saw you kinda talking to that young miss over there, and I thought a adorable little girl like this needed to be occupied!"

I grabbed Renesmee, and made our way to the car.

"Don't you ever walk away from me again, okay?" I rubbed her little face, and she did the same to me. She showed me the lady giving her icecream, and she looked at me smiling at that girl.

_Who was that girl you were talking to!?_

"I don't know! I didn't really talk to her. And don't change the subject!"

_I don't like her!_

"Well I don't like you walking around with random people! You could have been hurt!"

_I could have bit her..._

I shuddered when she showed me an image of that girl being bitten. Renesmee really biting someone would just freak me out. She wouldn't stop...wait, was she jealous?

Renesmee's anger madly flared, I could tell, so she took her abnormally sharp nails and scratched and dented Rosalie's car. Fine with me.

"And no more icecream for you, either!" That made her angrier, and she continued the scratching and tearing up the car's interior. Can't wait to see Rose's face. I started to see that it wasn't fair to make Nessie mad, just so she could mess up the blondie's stuff. Though I was quite content because of this matter, I had to ask her to stop.

"NO!" She screamed back, with an addition of her high-pitched screech. It broke the sideview mirror, and the passenger seat window. Man, the kid has a talent. After about a mile or two, she got quiet for a while, then I realized she had fallen asleep. I'm glad I skipped that nap.

"Okay. We're home." I finally said as we drove up into the drive way. It was 8:42. We're right on time. Renesmee snapped up like she didn't even sleep. Her chubby hand slid onto my chin, as she showed me she was hungry.

"Your mom left you dinner I think." We walked into the empty Kitchen, and she quickly noticed the chicken the table. Ness made a gagging noice. Then she reconized the cup of blood that I was supposed to give to her earlier. She was like blur as she whizzed over to the sippy cup.

"Whoa Renesmee. You have to eat the chicken." Then she gestured to bring my face down to hers. Her hand was on me then, showing me slides of the whole 'I lost her' situation. Man, if they found out I lost her they will never let me go out with her again.

"If you let me drink the blood, I won't tell daddy you said _hell_, either." Renesmee folded her arms, fluttering her eye lashes like it were a profession.

"You were gonna tell your dad I said the H word? Why?" She was so smart. It's making me dizzy.

"You said not to tell Aunt Alice, Aunt Rosalie, or Granny Esme. You said nothing about Daddy."

"Alright, alright. Fine. But you have to drink it slowl--"

Just then, she chugged down the blood, and I could see the adrenaline pump in her own. She started to get hyper, and jumped up and down like a little cartoon. Then she started running into the living room and back, over and over again. She did it one more time, but this time she came back dressed up. Dress up time was like 2 hours ago! We were supposed to be cleaning up! ...Oh shiz.

I glanced over into the living room, and all the rooms down stairs, and saw the Renesmee made a complete mess. But she wasn't in the Family room. I found her sitting in Carlisle's office, with a bowl of icecream in her hands, with her little feet kicked up on his desk. She had a feathered pink scrarf rapped around her neck, and a blue shimmering dress. This picture surprised me. It...fit her.

"You want some Icecream?" She took a handful, and offerred it to me.

"Nah Renesmee. It's 9:15... I think. I have to atleast get you into bed. If you don't kill me, your mother will." I glanced at my watched.

9:30... 9:30 ....9:30.....THEY'LL BE BACK AT NINE THIRTY!!! IT'S 9:16!

"I wanna stay up _all_ night with you!" She threw a whole spoonful of icecream into her little mouth, getting chocolate all over her dress. I had no choice. I threw her over my shoulder, though she pounded away at my back. Her bite from earlier was already gone, but it was replaced with another.

I threw her on to her bed, and it only took her a few seconds to make her fall asleep.

I couldn't believe it.

It was finally over. She laid there, quieter than a mouse. Then I glanced at the clock, 9:21.

"Thank GOD." I whispered.

She shot up like a bullet then, jumping off the bed, and back into the living room. It took me a second to realize what just happened. Did she just wake up? Then I heard her bell laugh again, as she turned on her favorite show that was a rerun for today, _has to be on at this hour_! She clapped her tiny hands when the lioness ate the wolf that looked EXACTLY like me. Renesmee seemed to like the violence.

_Sigh_. 9:24.

I was counting down the seconds. Renesmee was really bouncing off the wall, and I mean she _really_ was. She paused for a second to mimick the lion.

9:25...

She stopped to turn on the radio. Aw, gawd. _That stupid song again..._

9:26...

Now I understand the song 4 minutes. I've only got 4 minutes to live.

9:27...

It's over. I laid down on the sofa, my head on quite a comfortable pillow. I didn't realize how tired I was until I closed my eyes. Before I knew it, all I could here was Renesmee clapping and singing, and I was asleep.

**BellaPOV**

I smiled on our way in. We had a cool time at the mall. Em and Rose met us there. Alice managed to persuade me into this stupid red dress and I wasn't expecting Edward's immediate approval.

Opening the door with a smile still spread wide across my face, I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

Renesmee was Jumping on the couching screaming:

"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!?" ,looking as if she were overdosing on icecream....the icecream I said she couldn't have. Her sparkling dress shimmered in the bright lights of the living room. Dressup time?

Then there was Jake, laying knocked out on the sofa...I'm gonna kill him. The house was a mess, and Renesmee was still WIDE AWAKE. Barbie's heads were everywhere. Her favorite show was loud on the t.v. Icecream smeared all over the walls, and the ceiling. How did it get there? Carlisle and Esme walked in then, still cuddling, and holding hands. When they noticed the recked house, their lovey dovey feeling evaporated. After seeing their face I quickly grabbed Renesmee in mid-air, trying to relax her. Jasper tried too. Just didn't work. She pulled at my hair, and said the only thing she could have learned from Jacob.

"_What the hell, mommy_!?!"

**Thanks for Reading. Told you this one might be long. Forgive me. I'm bored right now! **

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wazzup. Like I said before. These chapters are gonna be mucho late. Don't get pissed. I'm trying to write a bunch of chapters at like one time, and post them up when I get a chance.**

**Haven't done any big family stories yet, so...TADA!**

**This chapter is dedicated to all of my awesome readers: Homegrl aka Amanda,(Thanks for the park idea) WeLoVeTwIlIgHT212, M.G Christiani (Thanks for your awesome reviews, I love you!!!!), Jaspersayscalmdown, iamnotupsetwithjasper, Team Jasper and Volturi, and a mysterious "Jen" (lol), and my sisters! They have some fricken good ideas!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TWILIGHT. If I did...would I be rich?... *thinking...thinking...THINKING HARD***

**By the way, these are the kind of chapters that are rated high T's and M. **

**No lemons. I won't be writing lemons......yet. JK. NO....seriously. Not yet. Give me some time....._. Oh and you might notice, my chapters tend to get really long now...so.....**

**Chapter 5 BATTLE OF THE SEXES.**

**RosaliePOV **

I was simply relaxing in Emmett's large, awesome arms when it was interrupted with one smelly dog. It took most of my attention, but I could ignore it. Repostioning myself to be closer with Emmett, I was interrupted again with Alice snuggling up next to me. She stared up at me, sighed, and started eyeing me, then looked away. Um...awkward....

"Alice, what are you doing?" I asked. Aw gawd. I love my voice soooo much.

"I don't know. I'm completely and utterly bored. Do something." Alice turned to my direction, eyes showing me that she was indeed bored. She slopped over the sofa in a most graceful way, kicking her little feet on the armrest. Then she picked up Renesmee out of Jacob's arms, gave her a hug, and gave her back to him. Sighing again, she put her head in her hands.

Then she started talking, oh joy. Not small talk. Like vampirespeed torture talking. About shopping, then about Jasper *shudder*, then about visions, and on, and on and on and on..... I thought I will hear her slightly annoying voice for eternity.

It never occurred to me that Alice needed to be occupied, or she would just become a chatter box. I was about to tell Alice to leave, but Emmett interuptted me.

"Why don't we play a game?" Emmett suggested. Awww honey...why......

That was enough to make Alice pop up. "That's a great idea! JASPER!!!!!" She then ran to the bottom of the steps, clapping her hands like London Tipton. Does everybody do that now? Jasper glided down the steps with an confused expression. I don't know why he would, because everyone knows that he eavesdrops when Alice talks about him.

"Whatever it is that you all want to do. Count me out." I quickly stated. I wanted nothing to do with their dumb play time. Jasper was in the livingroom now, accompaning Alice on the couch. She must have called everyone, because everybody was sitting comfortably on the furniture.

"What are we going to do?" Jasper voiced. He actually looked interested. Matter of fact, everyone looked asif they wanted to play, including Renesmee. I wonder if they are planning on letting her participate...

"Staring contest?" Emmett asked.

"No one would loose, Emmett," Eddy said. "Your a vampire."

"I'm a WHAT!?!"

Then I saw Alice concentrate in the corner of my perfect eyes.

Edward scoffed. "That's not a good idea, Emmett. Unfair advantages." I could tell that Edward snatched that idea right out of his mind.

"No, no Edward, "Alice began, "That's a wonderful idea."

"Does this idea come with the No Rosalie guaruntee?'' I asked. I am sooo not playing if Emmett thinks it's a good idea, and Alice thinks it is a good idea. Bad mix. And I'm definitely not playing with the dog. You know what they say about getting flees and all.

"NO Rose, you have to play. That's the only way the game can be even." Alice and Edward exchanged a look, one that I couldn't identify.

"Then can someone please tell me what we are gonna play? You're confusing me here" I said in my singy voice.

"Me too." added Jasper.

"Me three. Will Renesmee get hurt?" Bella asked, I must not be observent today, because I didn't notice Bella sitting next to Eddy. Yup thats right....I called you Eddy, Eddy.

Then Emmett , Edward, and Alice said in Unison: "Paint Ball Gun War."

**BellaPOV**

NO no no no no no no no no no no no no no. Nope. NOT PLAYING. Sorry. This game is just too much for me. Anything that has to do with guns, just don't add me in.

"I don't wanna play." I admitted. I heard Edward mutter. "C'mon, Bella..."

Well if he _really wants to play..._

"And even if we do, would Carlisle and Esme want to play such a childish game?" I asked.

"Of course we do!" they yelled together.

Esme gave me a shocked glanced, surprised that I would think they didn't want to play. "Are you serious Bella? I was captain of my gun club for...a while!" she said rather quickly.

"That's because the guys thought you were pretty...." Carlisle muttered.

"What about Renesmee?...." My sing-sing voice was quite wobbly filled with worry, and that sort of emotion.

"What about her? She's playin!" Emmett yelled. He threw his arms around Ness, and gave her a huge bear hug.

Then Alice gazed into Edwards direction, shooting him a sharp glare, that looked as if she were trying to cut his head off with her mind. Her attempt failed, and instead of continuing her uncomfortable stares, she replaced it with a question.

"What do you mean,... about unfair advantages?" She threw the look again, and everyone looked at Edward, awaiting an answer, that, I would know my husband, will be very stupid.

"Well, you know paintball guns are highly dangerous, and stuff, and we will have to evenly split the girls. And girls aren't as good as boys, when it come to guns, y'know? Even as vampires, guys are still stronger than girls. And like, men know more about guns and things of that nature. So the advantages come to the guys on the teams, and if you get more boys than girls, that team is going to beat the other team. Unfair. Y'see?"

I didn't notice that I was giving him the same look that Alice was giving him before. And so was Rose, and Esme. Heck, Renesmee was staring at him with disbelief.

"Whoa, Edward, I don't know about that... girls have just the same amount as gun potential as guys. There are no unfair advantages. I don't understand you." Esme said. She nudged Carlisle, and he looked at her, as if he were agreeing with Edward. Emmett clapped, and said, "Speak the word, brother," And Jasper nodded his head in agreement. Jacob gave an impressed, satisfied grin, indicating that he, too, agreed with Edward.

Are. They. Serious? Women are just as strong as men, at the least, _stronger._ That had to be the biggest insult I've heard in a_ looooonnngg _time. Edward strugged it off, as if he had said noting of consequence. _How dare he_? I_ will _prove him wrong. This problem, this..._insult _will be dealt with.

" OH, I'm playin, alright," I voiced.

"Me too." Rosalie added,

"Me twee!" Ness gleefully stated. Hmmm, she usually has perfect grammer, and that kind of stuff.

"I have to play, It'll be fun, I saw it." Alice stated. She tapped her temples, and folded he arms, as she inched away from Jasper. He winced, as if the motion was painful. He grabbed for Alice to slide her back, and when he did, she darted across the room.

" I call captian!" She shouted. " I want to pick my team now." Alice ruffled her inky black hair, and looked up to the ceiling, as if she were contemplating on who she should pick. Oh, I don't want to be on the same team as Edward. He really pissed me off. I won't play as his fellow team mate if he thinks that he is better at the game than me because I am a_ girl_. Her face froze after a minute, and a little grinch like evil grin smeared on to her little face.

" I want....hmmm.... Rosalie, Esme, Renesmee, and...Bella." Alice finally stated. She pointed to each and every one of the girls in this room, including herself.

"We will be team Athena. Because she is the goddess of war." She added.

Emmett and Edward looked at each other with amused faces. Emmett snickered and hugged Rosalie for a reason I don't know. he whispered, "Don't worry hon, we'll go easy on you." She shoved him away, and went over to the same side of the room as Alice.

Jacob got up off the floor and chuckled. He placed Ness in my arms, and walked over to the opposite side of the room as Alice, in a slow pace. Before he could open his mouth, Jasper yelled

"I call captain!!!"

Jacob glared at him, in envy. Mumbling words I didn't want to hear, he called cocaptian.

Jasper started calling over the guys, to prepare them. They stood in a sloppy group, but within seconds, Jasper had them all straightened up in a military form.

"This is war, man. Don't get distracted. Vampire women are the closest thing to newborns...Um where are we gonna get the stuff?" Jasper whispered.

Emmett dashed over with all kinds of guns, placing them in a size order on the floor.

"I get the big one." Emmett stated.

"We are Team Ares. The god of WAR. Yup...and he's a dude." Jasper said, he gave Edward a ....

Everyone stood on opposite sides of the guns, in neat rows. My eyes went directly to a fair sized paintballgun. It wasn't bad. It was lined with gold, and looked as if it would suit me nicely. Then I looked up. I squinted my eyes, staring Edward down. We were looking at the same gun.

"Everyone gets 3 guns. Or bombs, but your choice," Emmett said. He shrugged his shoulders. Now I know it would be safer to stick with the guns.

I looked Edward in the eyes again, and put Renesmee down. She quickly grabbed 2 paint bombs, and a small gun. I was starting to regret letting her play. But I have to prove Edward wrong, and the teams have to be even. I gave him a puppydog face when we both reached for the gun. He snatched his hand back when I did so, and I took the paintball gun without thinking twice. I snickered with sucess.

When everyone was well equipped and ready, we went to our bases. Ours was in Alice's room, upstairs. We all made promises to not eavesdrop on the other team. Alice couldn't look in their futures to dig out ideas, and Edward couldn't read our minds. The guys were in the gameroom in the basement, as their base. Alice told us to stand in a line again, and then she told us to take off all our jewlery, including our wedding rings. I wanted to ask why, but she cut me off.

"Alice what are we--"

"From now on, You will address me as Captain, or captain Alice. Got it?" She gave one of the scary glares again, and we all nodded our heads out of fear.

"You will listen and respect all of my orders. This not a game anymore. The guys are serious. I know I have vowed not to look into their future, and Edward has vowed not to read our minds. But like Jasper said, this is war. And _we are not_, going to play fair." She gave us a salute, then went into her closet.

Confused, we all followed her in.

"We won't dress like we are fighting anything, though. They'll be dressed in camoflauge, and things of that sort. I saw it. We won't. We'll be in the most sexy, seductive clothes I can find. That way, they can't look away, but they can't fight either." she looked down at Renesmee, who touched my arm, not understanding what 'seductive' meant. "Er, Renesmee, um , we'll put you in something so adorable, it'll make Jacob go blind." Alice added.

A very hard knock assaulted the door, and Rosalie went to go get it. Emmett stood tall and proud at the door, with a smile pressed against his face.

"I'm here to tell you the rules, and to provide you with your things." He said. After looking at all of us, he continued. " Team Athena, Your paint color will be pink. Ours will be blue. If you get hit three times with the paint, oh and believe me, we will know if you get hit, you're out. Play fair. Remember we have an advantage, so, try, please. If you are out, and your caught in the game, your team is forced to forfeit. Edward is not aloud to read your minds, just as Alice agreed to not look in our futures. The team that has the last player or players standing, wins. Got it? Get it. Good. The other rules include no tearing or ripping up other players, not that I made up that rule..., and no hurting other players. Wouldn't want to mess up the guard dog."

He turned, setting down the paint and bombs, and turned on his heels, and left.

We all stared him down when he exited, and the we all turned to Alice.

"I saw him giving us bad bombs, so I took the liberty of taking theirs, switching the paint colors, and replacing theirs with ours. Playing fair my ass." Alice pointed her nose to the ceiling, and then turned back to the closet.

"Rose. Red looks really good on you. Here's a red mini skirt, and...um...." She searched through her closet some more."..with a _very _revealing top." She handed Rosalie the clothes, and scrunched her face up when she looked at Esme.

"Carlisle doesn't really see you in revealing clothes, Esme. _Hmph_. Guess he'll start now. Purple looks awesome on you. Hope your not afraid of tight clothes." She threw her the skin tight dress, and then turned to me and sighed. What was that supposed to mean?

Her face looked as if she were thinking that I would be a problem. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it suddenly.

"Ask me." I said. I really want to know what she was thinking. Wow. I sound like Edward.

"What kind of clothes turns Edward on, Bella?"

I flinched, winced, whatever. That was a smack in the face.

"_Excuse me_?" What kind of question is that? She looked at me seriously. _Seriously. _She gestured her hands as if she were trying to get my attention again.

"What- kind- of clothes, Bella." She gave me that serious look again, and showcased her closet.

"Um...I don't wear clothes that show alot of skin. I never wear anything tight, so that's off the list. Uh I don't really wear colors, and um, that's it. I don't know really. I think he likes it when I wear no clothes." I shrugged the last comments off. Renesmee didn't understand anything that we were saying before, so she skipped off when we entered the clost. Now she was napping on the bed.

"Well we can't have you naked on the battlefield. You'll wear this." She placed a very skimpy black dress in my hands. It looked like something a hooker would wear. What would Edward think if I wore this? Alice must be crazy.

"You will put your uniforms on immediately. Report to me when you are done. You have two minutes." Alice said, She walked in to her closet again, closing the door. My guess is that she wanted to find something that would grab's Jasper's attention.

Finding that the bathroom was empty, I ran in, unlike Rose and Esme, I wanted my privacy. Slipping on the dress as fast as I could, I coudln't help but to look in the mirror. Ay!!!! What has Alice put me in?

The dress was black of course. But I think it would be better to address it as a tight shirt than a dress. The dress, went a foot and a half from my knee. How was I supposed to fight in this? Not only was it really short, but it was strapless. I looked in the mirror again, embarresed this time. But I have to prove Edward wrong! I guess wearing this dress is worth it.

Team Athena assembled in the room, everyone sitting orderly on the bed. Alice reentered, wearing barely any clothes at all. Her shirt was a tank top, cutting through her belly midway. Her shorts matched her shirt, but was very short, shorter than my dress, and skin tight. She looked as if she knew exactly what she was doing. It was camoflauge, like Emmett's uniform.

"The game starts in ten minutes in the backyard. You all better know how to use the guns. Renesmee will stay at our little base on the field. She'll be holding the other bombs and refills. Understand Renesmee? You're very important." Alice turned to Renesmee with a desperate look on her face, begging Renesmee to understand. She was gettin smarter everyday.

Renesmee got up and touch Alice's face indicating that she knew exactly what to do, when and where. Her little reply was so cute, especially in her outfit."YES CAP'N!"

"Alright. Time to go." Alice took a deep, unnecessary breath, and marched outside. We all followed, marching on the same foot, all of us wearing our 'uniforms.'

The backyard isn't a backyard. It's a field. A lot. Acres and acres of land, naturally clear. We would never cut down trees...on purpose. The lot, or what Alice wants to call 'The battle ground' was filled with assorted obstacles. Large empty oil cans were presplattered with paint, and there were broken, and damaged brick walls placed in no particular order. The sky was cloudy, not unusual. The clouds were a light gray, and richer in color. The dark overcast made the battlefield look serious.

The boys filed in from the house, and it seemed we weren't the only ones who decided to have a dress code.

The guys stood in a striaght line too, with huge smiles on their faces. Jasper probably told them not to look at us, because they were looking everywhere but our direction.

And they were all shirtless.

And I thought we were distracting. I couldn't look away, Edward's sixpacks were very visible, giving nesessary shadows from the effects of the sky. I was in shock. I can't think properly. Think...think.... But how can I? Edward didn't look up at us, now I was certain he knew we were all going to dress this way. But why didn't Alice tell us this was going to happen?

"Focus, Team. " My little Renesmee said. She clutched a little paint bomb in her hand, her face full of determination. I'm starting to blame Jacob for this.

We continued to stand there our weapons in our hands, ready to strike. The guys finally looked up to us, and I could swear they all looked as if they were going to faint. Alice gave a satisfied grin before she looked back at us.

"Watch my hands, I will signal you." Her fingers counted down from three, and at two, we all scrambled.

Renesmee ran to the little fort as told, not seen at all.

Me and Rose ran over to the brick wall, which was only partially broken down. I spotted Emmett army crawling on the ground looking for Rose, I guess. Her red miniskirt blended with the color of the wall, so she wasn't spotted. I aimed my gun to shoot at Emmett, he was still crawling like an idiot. He was so visible on the ground, his pale white skin looked like a target on the green grass.

"No," Rosalie started. "Save him for me." She aimed her gun at the same position as mine, and shot Emmett in mid-crawl. He slumpped to the ground, not of pain, but out of shame. Rosalie walked out and made herself visible to him. She kissed him on the cheek, whispering something in his ear.

Aw Rosalie! She let her gaurd down completely, and Emmett pulled out his little caliber, and shot her in the stomach. She too, fell to the ground, holding her stomach as if the blue paint was meant to be blood.

"Emmett! How could you do that, hon! I'm your wife!"

"Truley, babe, I've been waiting to do that for a long time....." Emmett ran away quickly, and Rose stood there, mouth gaped open.

Not wanting to waste my time watching her recover, I crouched low and moved to another area. Edward! Gotcha! I could tell he was looking for me, because he was easily slipping through obstacles. Edward had already been shot, only once, on the left shoulder. Two more and he's out. Esme rolled from behind a can, and started shooting at Edward. He attempted to shoot her too, but they both missed. I crawled away. Next time...Edward....

About 15 more minutes into the game, I shot Jacob in the ribs, and Carlisle on the leg. But I still wanted Edward. My first gun lost its rounds, so I have one paintball sniper, and another caliber thing. I felt sucessful with all the shots, but I haven't shotten my target. I went back to the base to retreive a bomb from Renesmee, who was sorting out all the paint bullets.

Esme was crazy. She was shooting every thing that moved, including her teammates if necessary. Her glistening smile proved that she was having alot of fun.

As I ran from our field base, my eye caught Jasper snooping. His face had a blue blotch on his cheek. Blue? That was his team color. Hmmm...Sneak attack would be a good idea in this situation. I set up my sniper on a damaged wall, setting it three steps away from Jasper. If he steps into position, I will shoot a few seconds before he would realize I was there. I took a step back to finalize my position, but my fot landed on a dry twig, and it snapped in half with a loud _crack. _

Dang it! Why didn't I see that!? Jasper whipped his head around in shock. So much for my sneak attack. I took my chances and shot at him. Bullet after bullet missed, and he manuevered his way past my inventory, until I was empty. My sniper gun needed a refill. I clicked with the lack of equipment. I feel... I don't know...defeated. Like I should give up right now. This game sucks, it really does. I mean, what's the point of this "game"? We should surrender. The guys are going to win. We lost. I looked up and saw Jasper smirking. He was slightly squinting his eyes. My expression confused, I stepped out into the open area exposed to Jasper fully. An easy target. Jasper put on a full, pearly white smile. Why was I feeling like this? Why do I want to quit?

It took only a few seconds of realization. Jasper was using his powers on me.

Wan't that against the rules? I replayed them my head, seeing if I missed anything.

_Edward is not aloud to read your minds, just as Alice agreed to not look in our futures. _

AHA! Those cheaters! No one suspected Jasper for using his powers, so they didn't include him in the rules. I agree with Alice. Playing fair my ass. I can't resist though. There is an urge telling me to listen to my emotions.

_Give up_, it said._ Relax. Look at Renesmee, do you want her playing these violent games? Quit, Quit, QUIT!!!!_

" NO." I said out loud. Before I could tell Jasper to stop it, he shot me on the stomach. Snickering away, he snatched my sniper gun and bent it until it snapped in half. He dropped on the ground.

"Unfair advantages, remember?" He whispered in my ear. He ran away, laughing his head off. Meanie. I wanted so bad to _rip his head off_, but I had to find Edward again. Pulling out my final gun and bomb, I snuck over to the other side of the court unprepared to see a full on battle in the middle of the clearing. Esme pretty purple dress was splattered with two blue blotches.

She notice my surprised look. She pointed the one on her left ripcage and said, "Jake, " And then the other one on her butt, "Carlisle. I doesn't matter we'll win."

Enough. Said.

I looked around, the guys were randomly shooting at us from a pit in the ground. Jacob was shot once, from me, so was Edward. Who shot him? Carlisle was shot twice, once on the face, the other on his leg. I noticed Jasper was clear, not a mark of pink paint on him. Rose said she shot Emmett twice, but she may have missed, because I only detected one paint blotch splattered on his body. We all assembled to the our pit in the ground. I huddled with Esme. Her confidence seemed reassuring and refreshing. I felt comfortable next to her.

"We will attack. But we need a distraction." Alice started. "We can't get them, unless they are distracted."

"Don't the outfits work?" Rosalie asked. The shooting ceased.

"Yeah, but that's not what I mean. They are expecting us to attack all at once. We have to make a decision."

We all looked around, but no one wanted to be the bait. The little harmless worm, to the guys, the big, scary fish. If anyone of us go out, we won't come back. We will be disqualified when we have been shot three time. Second were passing, and the dudes were waiting. Yet no one volunteered.

"I will go." Esme said.

"Esme, no. Don't be hero." I said. Why would Esme do this? She wanted to go to the end. And besides. I didn't want her to leave.

"I have to. Someone has to. You guys don't need me." Right after she said that, she got up, and walked into the clearing. With two paintball machine guns in her hands, she gave out a loud war cry, and ran. The guys, really were surprised, didn't fall back, or lunge, they just picked up rubbish as sheilds as Esme continously shot at them. Carlisle got up and shot at her, and so did Emmett. He was like a human...no...vampire shield. That didn't stop Esme. After a few rounds, Emmett lay flat on the ground, clutching his stomach yelling "Nooooo, noooooo!". Esme shot him 12 times. Carlisle, too, was on the ground in defeat. Esme turned to us, face and clothes, covered in blue paint, smiling. I saw in her face that she didn't care if we lost. She won. She's been shot over 30 times, but still smiled.

Alice shook me out of my thought, indicating that she wanted to get out there. We all stood in another line. Edward, Jacob, and Jasper were the only ones left standing. Esme shot Jasper once though. Finally! Edward and Jacob seemed unaffected by Esme's attack.

"Ready! Fire!" Alice said. We shot at the remaining guys, and they did the same. Alice danced past the bullets, gracefully dodging their attempts. She was eventually shot by Edward, not once, but twice. As If I were seeing everything in slow motion, everyone was yelling, and paint splattered everywhere. Right now, it looked as if we were loosing. Alice didn't give up. Jasper aimed his gun at her, and before he could pull the trigger, she shot the gun out of his hand. She shot him 4 times, Jasper jerking back each time. I'd admit it, it was a funny sight to see. He dramatically fell to the ground, as if he died again. Thats how Jasper would want it. To die on the battle field, stained with blue and pink. Minutes were going by, and Rosalie was out. Alice kept shooting, but the Jacob was skilled. Jacob refilled rather quickly. He shot Alice serveral unnecessary times. He grinned and yelled, "I KILLED THE CAPTAIN!"

I turned around, realizing that Edward and Jake would want to get me, because I have been shot once. By _Jasper...._ Renesmee called my name from the field base. Renesmee..._ Renesmee_...RENESMEE! She was still in the game, unshot, not hurt at all. Jacob looked over at the little base. He smiled at me. Oh my God. He's gonna shoot Renesmee. My _baby!! _

He ran over to the fort. I could easily outrun him, but Edward was over on the left of me. Tempting....tempting. I could shoot him right now.

Edward...Renesmee...Edward...Renesmee...Edward...Renesmee...Edward...Renesmee...EDWARD!!! I turned, my gun set in my hand, ready. Edward turned around noticing my gun. I shot him. Again. Again. And Again. On the legs, on the face, everywhere. His expression was priceless.

"I thought guys were so much better than girls, love." I said. He opened his mouth to say sorry, but I put up my hand. I wanted him to tell all of us girls a full on apology later. But right now, I would have to save my baby.

Speeding across the yard picking up Alice's gun, I noticed everyone played dead. It was kinda scary. They didn't move or breathe.

I finally got over to Jacob, and he was holding Renesmee hostage. The gun was on her cheek, but she was giggling, as if the feeling of the gun on her cheek felt like a feather. But seeing a gun of any kind on my baby's face was enough to make a dead mother's heart jump. I dropped my gun immediately, wanting to have Renesmee in my arms. Jacob laughed.

"Foolish girl.... you really think I'm going to let you win. Besides. We guys had the advantage from the start." Jacob looked down at my daughter. Renesmee gave him a puppydog face. His eyes looked as if they melted away, and he let her go. Renesmee skipped over to me, and I hugged her tight. She will never play with guns again. He kept the gun aimed on us. I could try to run away, but his werewolf abilities makes his eyes strong enough to detect my fast movements, and he would shoot us.

"It's a shame that you ladies have to loose."

I stared at him in disbelief. "You're power hungry." Then it came to me. "You shot Jasper! You wanted to be captain all along. How badly do you want to win?"

"I want to win so bad, that I am willing to shoot Renesmee. But I have a guiltless, painless, solution."

"What?!" Me and Renesmee said at the same time.

"To get rid of you both at the same time." He threw a paint grenade at us, the safety pin ripped off and forgotten. I covered Ness, holding her head to my chest preparing for the colorful explosion.

Nothing happened.

Then I remembered. Alice switched the bombs. Relief flooded throughout my body. Picking my gun off the ground within seconds, I shot Jacob square in the face. He leaped back in utter surprise. I shot him 2 more times, just to verify that he was out. He lay there "dead", and my Renesmee hitched up on my waist, smiling.

"We won, mommy." She said.

I walked out into the yard and noticed everyone was standing, trying to see who actually won. Renesmee wasn't shot at all, but I, still remained shot once. The guys kicked the grass, and groaned in defeat. Jacob walked out of our base, covered with 4 pink spots.

Ah. Victory.

I savored the moment. Then I acually gazed at our current location. The surrounding trees looked like they would be forever blue. The field's grass was stained pink. What did we do? The tin cans were everywhere, and the grenades made deep holes in the ground. This didn't look like the natural green backyard we had a few hours ago. The weird color mixtures made it look like we were in another demention. I looked at the other girls. We seemed to be thinking the same thing. Smiles spread wide wide across our faces. Before I could voice what I wanted to say, Alice did the honours.

"_Loser cleans everything_!"

And with that, all us girls darted into the house to avoid further conversation.

**Thankyou! Read and Review!**

**Sorry if it was so long. I can't help it when I have good ideas like this. Three shouts for Esme!!! **

**Oh and, I LOVE JASPER. Didn't think about his powers, did ya? Admit it... his powers worked on you through the words.....yupyup.**

**I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH SOCIAL REHAB!!! I HAVEN'T HAD INTERNET, PHONE, OR CABLE FOR WEEKS! DON'T COMPLAIN WHEN THESE ARE REALLY LATE!!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Heyhey... you guys I just finished Senior Skip day.... IT WAS SOOO FUNNY! It had Jackson, and he played Snippy, a dude who is like always HIGH. It is like one of favorite movies now.**

**Hopefully these chapters won't be really really long, but yup, I'm starting to get a habit for them. I like long stories. This Chap's dedicated to everybody, kk? I don't have time to write all the names down, because I write the stories within hours, and just post them up. But the dedications will be personalized soon, okay?**

**This chapter is dedicated to: M.G. Christiani, Homegrl aka Amanda (It took you lon enough to review...), iamnotupsetwithjasper, WeLoVeTwIlIgHt212, Dragonridingattorney43, giraffeeelover33, and JasperSaysCalmDown.**

**This one's about Esme. My sister Melissa told me I should get away from the "kids". And my last chapter kinda made me respect Esme, cause she's their mother. And she's awesome. Hope you like this one, and realize how hard it is to raise the Cullen kids.**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT. Wow. That was the first time I just went out and said that.**

**Chapter 6 A DAY IN THE LIFE OF ESME**

**EsmePOV  
**

It's 8:00 in the morning, on a drousy Wednesday. Because none of us sleep except the baby, we all just relax. Everyone but me. Everyday I deal with a very annoying husband and a bunch of century old kids that think they know it all. Day, after day I see nothing but foolishness. I mean once in a while I would think, why Esme? WHY???? But the truth is is that I love them, and they are the best things that happened to me.

I think.

If I tell them I love them enough, maybe they will stop yelling at me, and telling me I have OCD, ...which is not true!!!!!! I quietly started my way down the steps, trying not to wake the baby. A loud crash sounding as if a whole DVD stand was knocked over crashed from the livingroom.

"Esme!?! Esme!!?!! MOM!!!!!" Emmett called from downstairs. It's too early in the morning, and that kind of yelling would wake Renesmee. And we all know what happens when she's sleep deprived.

I slowly walked downstairs, to see Emmett digging throught the game shelves, seeking outa specific game. I already knew the question he was about to ask me, but I still stood at the bottom of the steps patiently waiting.

"Yes, Emmett?" I asked sweetly.

"Yeah, I was looking for, Super Space Shooting Soilders Three, Return of the Glump. I just bought that yesterday!! Me and Jasper are playing, and there's money involved." He said, still searching. OOOOOOooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh. GAMBLING??????? They know how much I hate that nasty habit. I clenched my hand into a fist to stop myself from hitting him. Jasper ran up from the basement holding the game in his hand. He mouthed the words 'found it' and stopped in midstride when he saw me.

Angry vibes were radiating off me, though the wry smile on my face stayed completely the same. Years of keeping my emotions in check. Jasper noticed how angry I was and stepped back alittle.

"Emmett, you didn't." He said.

Emmett looked confused, and looked from me, back to Jasper.

"Didn't what?" He asked, shrugging.

"You told Esme we were gambling, didn't you?! She's not supposed to know!" Jasper waved his hand in the air gesturing what looked to be a punishment.

"What if I didn't???? You just told her! Don't blame me!"

"YOU TOLD HER!" Jasper stepped closer to him, throwing the game over onto the sofa.

"NO....I DIDN'T!" Emmett dropped the several games that were in his hand, now crumbled resembling balled up paper.

"YES YOU DID!!!" Whoa, whoa, whoa. If Jasper and Emmett fight, they'll knock down my house. Jasper's skills are impressive, and Emmett's strength was frightening. I had to stop this early.

"Hold it, you two." I started, standing in between of them. "I tell you everyday not to gamble, but you do. I tell you Jasper, not to manipulate innocent people's emotions, but you do. Emmett, you break everything you touch. I say stay away from my antiques, but you continue to play football with my vases." I looked at their faces, to see if they were getting the point.

They weren't.

"What are you saying, Esme?" Jasper asked.

"I'm saying the only reason I don't rip you apart is because...I love you all." I smiled at them, but they seemed to be alittle frightened. Good.

I heard Jasper mumble "Emmett, you idiot..." on my way out. I snatched the game from the sofa and made my way to the kitchen.

Renesmee has to wake up in a few minutes, so I better start breakfast. Rosalie was already there, starting with the usual eggs."Hey Esme." Rose said as she mixed the yolk in the bowls. I started with the bacon, because Renesmee like pork, but I gave her turkey this morning. Because it's good for her. She'll never know I don't give her pork. I think. That kid is gets smarter everyday. Rose noticed that I didn't need help, and went upstairs.

I need my wooden spoon to mix the pancake batter, Jake's favorite. That boy'll eat anything. He will always be welcomed in my home, though Rose doesn't think so. I pulled out the drawer, expecting to see all my wooden utensils stacked neatly. I was surprised to see these weird metal objects. What the- where are my spoons?!? I opened up the cabinet where the plates should be.

Cups.

I raced over to the snack cuboard.

Pots.

Who would_ dare_, touch anything in the kitchen without my supervision?????? Awww....I know_.....her_.

"ALICE!!!!!!" I fanned by cold face, trying not to look angry. But I know she probably saw this coming.

"Yes my gorgeous mother?" Alice skipped into the kitchen, throwing me one of those 'If I did anything wrong, I'm _really_ sorry' smiles. I slightly glared at her, noticing that I my right hand was in a tight fist. Don't hit her Esme....don't do it...

"Did you rearrange everything in the kitchen? Without my permission?" I tried to keep my voice from giving me away.

"Ah, yeah about that... well the way you put everything in the cabinets, it was soooo last year, so I did the honors, and updated the kitchen for you. Saved you alot of time I bet. Y'know Mom, you should be thanking me."

"Thank-- Thanking you?" Don't smack her Esme......control your anger.....

"Yup. I mean I could remodel this whole house for you, without your okay. You shouldn't mind. Less work for you. I know you have OCD, but chillax!! This house will be okay without your petty decisions."

"OCD!?!?! That again? You want me to _chillax _when I don't even know where my spoon is!!!?"

"Huh?"

" My S-P-O-O-N. SPOON!" I took my fingers and made a spoon shape figure, which I believed was quite adequate.

"Your telling me your whole OCD attack thing was about a spoon?'' She raised her eyebrow, her face was serious.

"No. The spoon's not the point." I should punch her.....

"It's not?" Alice squinted her eyes, she was pushing me to the edge.

"No. No. NO! It's not about the spoon."

"Then, what is this about?"

"You ruined my kitchen."

"No, I fixed it. Esme, what do you want from me?"

"I-I-I, I want to know where my 8 inch wooden spoon is."

"I thought you said this wasn't about the spoon!"

"IT'S NOT!!!!!"

"THEN WHY AM I STILL HERE????"

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY WOODEN SPOON, ALICE!!!?!?!!!"

"OH! Duh, Why didn't you just ask? It's right next to the metal spoon drawer. See, here." Alice opened the drawer that was indeed right next to the one I opened. She picked up the 8 inch wooden spoon I was looking for, dangling it in her hand. Smiling like there was no tomorrow, she walked over, and picked with my outfit.

"Anthing else?" She added.

"Yeah, fix my kitchen, " I said through a grimace. "And..and..I love you dear, have a nice day." I turned, and continued to mix the batter like nothing happened. The pancakes smelt like deer vomit, but I still cook for Renesmee and Jacob. Who would be here in 3....2....1....

"HOWDY YA'LL!!!!" Jacob makes a grand entrance everyday._ Everyday_. Yup. _Every single day_....I suck it up, anyway, because I'm not a rude as Rosalie, but I'm not as opened armed as Bella. Sigh. I started making the pancakes with the fire on high. After about 10 minutes, I had 19 done.

"Hey Esme. What's for breakfast? Nonononononononono......lemme guess..... Scrambled eggs....with tomatoes and onions...do I smell, pancakes! I'll take 15. Please." Jacob sat down on the counter. I gave him a warning look. You're not allowed to sit on the kitchen counter in my house. Nope. Not allowed. Matter of fact, you're not allowed to _do_ anything on my counters, but that doesn't stop the young couples, expecially Emmett and Rosalie. Knowing at one point I was going to snap, he hopped off the counter and sat on the kitchen table, with his feet kicked up on a chair. I started breathing quietly out of my mouth, thats what humans do when they try to control their anger. I think.

I believe he noticed my sudden change in breathing, so he sat in a chair, correctly, erect and upright. I placed the large plate stacked with awful-human smelling pancakes, on the table in front of him with a smile still stamped on my face, the plate giving a low sounding _clack._ He dug into it, and within a minute, he was down to 9 pancakes.

"Thanks Esme...these...are..soooo...goo...ood!" His fork looked like a blur to the human eye. His mouth was filled, and he didn't attempt to close it as he chewed. If he weren't my granddaughter's favorite person, I would slap him. But Y'know what Jasper says, _control your anger, mom. _I finished the remaining pancakes and stacked them on the plate.

"I'm glad you like it. There's more, If you want it." I put the remaining pancakes on the counter, and Jacob didn't hesitate to make 5 more.

"Hey...where's...Nessie? Mmm...Shouldn't...she be..Awake?" He looked up at me then, lips covered in syrup. He raised an eyebrow, listening to the heavenly yawn coming from the living room. Renesmee walked into the kitchen in a cute Bratz pajama dress, sitting in the chair next to Jacob. I noted that her dress was covered in toothpaste, and so was Edward's shirt. She probably busted the tube, and got the minty stuff everywhere._ In my bathroom...grrr._

"Good morning Renesmee, " I greeted, she smiled in returned, and then looked at the plate in front of her. She sniffed the plate, a smirk appearing on her face when she passed the eggs. I had put two small pancakes placed on it also, one of her favorite. Her face suddenly tightened as if she were about to blow chunks, and she pushed the plate after smelling the bacon.

Damn it, she knew it was turkey.

"Renesmee, eat your food."

"Granny Esme, I don't like this." She threw that damned puppydog face at me. I could resist. I puckered my face up into an angry mask, and Renesmee started her food. Finishing the bacon first, she picked at Jacob's hair. He smiled back at her, starting a laughing fest between the two, I walked out of the breakfast area of the kitchen to see Bella sitting on the counter and Edward grinning at her. NOnononono.

"No one's allowed on the counter dear, " I said, not noticing the immediate clentching of the fists.

"Oh, sorry Esme." She replied. Edward picked her up and put her down just as swiftly.

I finished cleaning the breakfast mess, and walked into the living room. That was 2 minutes of silence, other than Carlisle's brooding in his office, Jacob's and Renesmee's heart beats, and their loud chewing.

Bella and Ed were slightly flirting, Edward giving her obvious questions, and ahe gave him adorable, sarcastic replies. They laughed, breaking the silence. Bella flipped her brown hair, pretending that she didn't hear anything he asked her. I turned my attention to the boys, violently shoving each other inorder to win.

Jasper and Emmett were playing the Space, shooting, glump soilder game thing, whooping and growling at sucess and defeat. I walked in with calm feelings, so Jasper didn't twitch as much as he does when I'm mad.

" Gogogogogogogogogogogogogooooooooooooo.....NO!" Emmett's over-exaggerated character fell to the ground, it's blue blood spilled all over the space rock, while Jasper's character, A glump General, holding a gun now splattered with the blue blood. Jasper stood, hands in fists, pointed to the ceiling smiling pridefully of victory.

"Bow down to General WHITLOCK! HELL YEAH!"

Emmett, now furious, stood, slamming the controller on the floor, it bursted in to peices.

"You're a damn cheater, Jasper." He poked at Jasper's chest, his face was in a twisted expression.

"How? I didn't do anything!" Jasper did the same as Emmett, and he, too, slammed his controller on the sofa.

"You used your spookish, weirdo emotion manipulating power stuff!"

"Are you calling me a cheater???"

"YES! What part of _You're a damn cheater, Jasper_ Don't you get????"

"I don't know, the part when you're a sore loser, or the huge part that you're an _IDIOT!_" Jasper didn't care to monitor his emotions, so his anger flared, and washed over everyone on the first floor. I felt angry, but surpressed it. The felling of compete fustration and anger blanketed everyone, and I could here Renesmee work up a cry.

"You know what Jasper!? #$% YOU!!!!"Emmett threw his balled fist at Jasper's shoulder, but Jasper moved swiftly to the side.

I heard Renesmee screech in the kitchen at Jacob, and I turned to get her, but thought it would be a bad idea to leave my sons to break my livingroom. Bella and Edward will handle Renesmee.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY????" Bella's voice cracked once, and she smeared her words into a frightening warning tone.

"I said _you're not that good anyway_, "

"Not THAT GOOD??? Well you don't have to_ worry _about me being_ that good _because you won't be getting ANYTHING, and oh I mean "any" from me!!!!!"

"NOnonono, Bella, I'm_ sorry_!"

"Edward, save it for Maury!" I could hear Bella noisly fold her arms, turning to the other direction.

"Y'know what?? I'm going to Charlotte!!!"

"What??? W-w-w-whose Charlotte?"

"MY PIANO!"

"YOU NAMED IT?!"

"NO! I NAMED _HER_!"

I couldn't bare to listen to their arguement, so I turned to break up the fight. Jasper and Emmett were restling on the floor, Emmett pinned Jasper face down to the floor.

"Admit you cheated!"

"NO! I DIDN'T CHEAT! YOU JUST SUCK!!!!"

"JASPER! CONTROL!!!!" I yelled. Jasper quickly understood that his anger was out of control, and fixed it. Everyone relaxed, including me. Emmett sat down, his face twisted, as if he were trying to resist the calm feeling. Edward wand Bella were soon apologizing, and Renesmee finished her breakfast quietly.

"I still think you cheated." Emmett said as I, too sat down.

Rose glided down the stairs. She seemed giddy. Fixing my face so it seemed that nothing happened, she went straight towards the garage door.

"What are you so happy about?" Jasper asked.

"I haven't laid eyes on my car for a week. I think it needs a day out." She continued to walk casually to the door, when I heard some what of a snicker from Jacob.

"Mama's coming, Verta. Mama's coming. (TWSS.)" Rosalie touched the doorknob, when Jake ran over and blocked the door.

"No Rose, don't go in there."

"Why not? My convertable's waiting. Get out of the way." She snarled.

"No. Rosalie, your car--"

"What's your problem? Is this a dog thing, because I don't understand."

"Y'know, fine. I _tried _to warn you. I did. _But no_, the _blondie_ doesn't_ like _to listen." He stepped out the way, and I followed. Whatever was about to happen, it wasn't good.

And it wasn't good, even bad, awful, terrible, this, THIS was cruel!!!

Rosalie's car was scratched, dented discolored, ect. The hood was still down, and the side view mirrors were broken, some of the glass scattered on the garage. That wasn't even the half of it. The passenger seat was destoyed. Ripped and torn. I don't know who the hell -excuse me, would do this, but to destroy Rose's car, was to destroy most of her ice carved heart.

"WHAT THE (**CENCORED, Sorry I had what she said in mind, just trying to keep the fic T, which is really hard for me....)**!!!!!"

"ROSALIE! LANGUAGE!!!" I yelled. Renesmee might hear, and she pretty much repeats everything she hears.

"Mother, who did this???" Rose's eyes were wide, then she turned her head away, as if looking at the car was painful.

"Renesmee." Jacob said, he stood in the door, arms folded.

"Renesmee?" Me and Rose said together.

"She #$%ed up your car when she got mad at me on the way home from the park." He said casually. He smiled at the memory.

"Park? Why was she mad?" I asked. I knew nothing about this.

"I told her not to walk around with strangers. She almost got kidnapped." His hands flew over his mouth. KIDNAPPED???? My granddaughter almost got kidnapped. It took me a second to soak it in. Then another question popped up.

"Where was I?"

"Getting it on with Carlisle." He answered. If I was human, my face would be a deep red. Damn it. I need a solution.

"Jacob, you're going to help Rosalie fix her car. No arguements. I'm going to sit right here, and watch you."

"NO. Esme. I can't. My car'll reek of dog." Rose said.

"Deal with it Rosalie. You'll both fix the car." I pulled up a chair, and watched them start.

About a hour later of nonstop work, Jacob pulled out a wrench to fix the side view mirror.

"Jacob, you don't know what the hell you're doing." Rose said, when he took a part off.

"Yes I do. You may be WAY older than me, but I bet I know more about cars than you."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I know I do."

"Why don't you just go jump off a cliff or something? A Recreational purpose."

" You wanna hear a joke, Rosalie?"

"No."

"C'mon, you need to be cheered up. Here's a good one, now that we are talking about cliffs. If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff at the same time, who would hit the ground first?"

"I don't care, _dog_." Good Job Rose. She tries so hard not to kill him, but right now I wouldn't mind. He almost got Ness kidnapped, but I'm not planning on telling anyone but Carlisle.

"Lemme tell you. The brunette woud hit the ground first, because the blonde has to stop to ask for directions. (LOL)"

"Jake, FU--" I interrupted Rose before she could say anymore.

"Thats enough. Everthings fine. The car is fixed. You can leave, Jake."

Jake left the room and so did I. I walked upstairs to escape anymore drama. I needed to relax. I opened me and Carlisle's room door to find Alice and Jasper making out on our bed, Jasper already shirtless (A/N Hellz yea.).OMIGOD!!!! Seeing my kids make out as it is disturbs me, but to see them half naked on my bed kissing was just plain out scarring. They turned their heads in my sudden entrance, they parted, and Jasper put his shirt back on. Though my face didn't show it, I was outraged, and told them to get out in vampire speed. This situation reminded me when I walked in on Rose and Emmett on the kitchen counter. They were _far _in....if you know what I mean, and I thought after I freaked out that noone would "do it" in the open, but I guess they thought doing it in my room was private enough. Sigh. I'm just glad Bella and Edward handle their business at their cottage. This made me wonder if I would have the same problem with Renesmee and Jacob...ew. Shaking the thought out of my head with a shudder made me realize how much I didn't want to be in this room anymore.

Marching back downstairs to my husband's office, I found him brooding, pacing back and forth. That's a human thing. I think. Stopping him in midstride by putting my hand out, I fixed his tie, and straightened his jacket. He kissed me then, and I kissed him back. It was still alittle too early in the day to be doing this, but hell, I needed it. I started unbuttoning his shirt when an annoying beeping noise started up. Not really caring what it was, I ignored it. Carlisle didn't.

He stopped kissing me, and looked at his beeper on his hip.

"Damn it." He said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's the hospital. Another car accident. Have to go." He pecked me on the lips again.

He searched around for some papers, piled a few up and noticed a missing one. He checked his lower drawer, and shut it. He looked at other cabinets and filers, and shut them too.

"What's wrong?"

"Hm, someone completely rearranged my office. Everything's out of place. Nothings right." He said, confused.

What? Everything out of place? Who would do this--

Then my husband and I looked up and realized, and yelled at the same time,

"ALICE!!!!!!!"

**Thanks for reading! Sorry this got alittle innopropriate, I'm seriously bored. I mean, vampires have sex too, why not write about it??? Dude, I am one step away from writing a lemon. (Juss kidding.)**

**BTW Try the Study Series by Maria V. Snyder! AMAZING SERIES ALERT. 1st is Poison Study. Look for it, it won't dissapoint. **

**Sorry for the long chapters, I can't help it, Esme's Juss so awesome! REVIEW! Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry, sorry, sorry it took me so LONG to update!!!!!!! I had a job and stuff and it distracted me for a while, not letting me write anything. And you know, I like to write really long chapters so....**

**This Chapter is dedicated to: Homegrl aka Amanda, WeLoVeTwIlIgHt212, iamnotupsetwithjasper, M.G. Christiani, Dragonridingattorney43, giraffeeelover33, funsizedevil (thankyou for reading) a "Perry the Cherry" (lol), Emerald-Forever, spidermonkey95, gravity5, ccampbell542588, Twilightvampire258093** **and Indirose.( Thanks for favoriting!). And I guess you can call these a series of oneshots, but I usually use some of the forshadowing thingy, and anything for a previous chapter that has potential for another chapter, I use. Like now.**

**Disclaimer: I don't have to write one for every chapter, do I? I mean, If I was Steph Meyer in like, undercover, I doubt anyone would try to sue me then, so..ha! Alright, I don't own twi...wateva.**

**Chapter 7 Why Did I Marry You Again?**

**Rosalie POV.**

Me and Em haven't had a relaxing day since I found out about my car, two whole days ago. Oh, and in Vampire days, thats really long. Though me and "the dog'' partially fixed my car the other day, it still needed some serious work. I know I know more about cars than all the mechanics near Port Angeles, but I still want my car looked at from another professional. I sent emails to many shops, seeing if they are available

Emmett, who was flopped on the bed, looked incredibly content (and hot), played with my hair, as I read a book, thinking. Just as I was about to kiss him, someone knocked on the door. Dang it, why, why, why??

"Go away." I said, and turned back around to kiss him. I heard Alice giggle from behind the door. Soooo annoying.

"Answer the door or I'll walk in on you."

I shrugged. "Your eyes." Alice called my bluff, and opened the door. I heard her say "ew" under her breath. She skipped over, smiling. Sometimes, I really don't know what's going on in people's heads, not like I would want to be Edward for a day. If I looked like that, I'd kill myself. Mostly, Alice smiles all day, and I usually think she is laughing at her husband or something, but when she approaches you, that means she had a vision about you.

"I had a vision about you..." she sang. Figures.

"Oooooo, what about?" Emmett said, sitting up, completely interested.

"Well, you found a perfect mechanic who can handle your car," She started.

"You did????" I narrowed my eyes.

"No, you did, " She answered. Why would Alice care?

"Why do you care?'' I voiced. I got up off the bed, and put my hands on my hips. A way of telling her not to waste my time.

"Well, today has a gray overcast, right on the shop. I thought I should tell you, y'know? Because it's a possiblity that it might be sunny for weeks. But y'know what? I guess I'm not going to tell you these kinds of things anymore, because you don't appreciate me."

"Get out."

"Okay. I have a whole kitchen to re, rearrange anyway. Have fun!" She said, and danced out. Sooooo weird. I wanted to finish where me and Emmett started, but the urge to finally find the mechanic simply lurked heavily in the corner of my mind. Sighing, I turned and headed toward my door.

"K'mon Emmett, we have shop to check out." I said on my way out the door.

Walking down the steps in an unintended graceful way, I happened to see Esme literally picking up after Renesmee. Renesmee dropped cherrios on the floor, as Esme carefully picked them up one by one. Seeing that this wasn't worth my precious time, I turned to the mirror to check out my reflection.

WHOA! Who is that gorgeous woman standing in front of you, Rosalie? Look at her. You just have to bow down to that! But if you do, you lose the beautiful image of the girl infront of you! And look! Her awesome, full lips are just so perfect, well, no, she could use some more lip gloss...

I took out my favourite two lip glosses out of my purse, wondering which one I should pick. They both look amazing on me, both not scented, so I don't have to smell that awful human food all day, and not to mention, they both look amazing on me. While I was burrowed deep into my decision making, a terrible, awful smell encased the room. Eeck. _Dog_. The smell that smelled far more awful than sick elephant shit. And there he was, standing right behind me, wearing nothing but jeans. I don't even know, nor do I want to know, if there was anything under the jeans. *shudder*

"Do you wanna hear a joke, Rosalie?????" He said, smiling. DOES HE WANT TO RUIN MY DAY EARLY????

"Nah, I'll pass." I said, looking up the steps seeing if my Emmett was on his way down.

"You sooo wanna hear this one. Why did the Blonde put makeup on her forehead????"

"It doen't matter if I say I don't want an answer, because you're going to tell me anyway, right?"

"Correcto." He gave a discusting grin.

"Whatever." I walked out of the room, just to hear the joke finish anyway when he yelled after me.

"The blonde put makeup on her foreheard so she could "Make up her mind" GET IT! Make up....mind...hehehahaha!" He said through burst of laughter. I wanted to hurt him, make him feel pain, no, I REALLY wanna kill him, just to have the satisfied feeling or his cold limp body under my feet...

"ROSALIE!" Edward called.

"Yes??"

"What the hell? WHO THINKS THAT WAY!"

"Well if you weren't always digging through my head to see if I would hurt your precious Bella, maybe you wouldn't know what I was thinking. Or do you perfer me to change the subject? Maybe I can think about how much I hate your piano, and how I would like it black, white, and broken!"

"Shutup. Just...watch what you think."

"I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOO! It's my head. I can say whatever I want when I want." I stormed out of the room looking for Emmett. We have to get to the mechanic ASAP. Emmett walked down the stairs in a husky, but graceful way, wearing a simple, yet casual blue sweater, and jeans. Seeing how his sweater clung to his body and showed off his figure, I suddenly wished the sweater was all that he was wearing. I pushed the thought away, noticing that we were probably late to the mechanic I don't even know about.

We silently made our way to the garage, that was clear of all werewolf stenches, where my red convertable sat, naturally waiting for me. She was still scratched, and begged for a paint job.

As I sat down into the passeger seat, I felt giddy, to know that my precious car would feel like new. Emmett knew the address, so he drived. We drove happily, but silently, to the mechanic's location.

* * *

**EmmettPOV**

We drove up into a driveway, which seemed new, and taken care of. The sign was colorful and attractive...hehe...how can a sign be attractive? Well, anyway, like the gentleman Jasper tries so hard to make me, I walked around and opened the car door for Rosalie. She seemed surprised by the gesture, but remained in her happy state.

"Lets go meet the owner!" She exclaimed. She hooked my arm, adn we walked into the green and blue, main waiting room. Wow. This looked like some main hall for some rich king in a land that I've never heard of. Who were these people trying to impress?? This is a car garage fer' goodness's sake! Something about this place is giving me a bad feeling.

"Rosalie...let's go home..." I said.

"And leave this awesome place? You got to be kidding me..." She nudged my playfully, and gave me a partial smile, almost a grin. That sucks. Rose always give me a full white smile.

She walked up to the counter and and tapped on the little bell twice, when a assistant, with a smile plastered flat on her face, grumbled " I'm comin, I'm comin" thinking that noone would hear. She gasped when she saw me and Rose standing there. 'The perfect couple' was probably playing repeatedly in her head. She stared at Rose with her eyes filled with the deepest of jealously, and then at me with dreamy eyes. Then she glanced out of the window and saw Rosalie's car, raising an eyebrow. She seemed to look young, but deep down, I could tell she was a few years off thirty.

"Um, h-h-hi. How may I help you?" She said to Rose. She threw some attitude. Probably trying to cover up how intimidated she was by her.

"I need to repaint my car and-"

"Right away ma'am." The assistant interrupted, and hurried out of the room like a gust of wind.

Mere seconds past, when the head owner walked out. His Hair was perfect ( though I have to saw, I saw _many_ flaws) His teeth were really white (but in a human kind of way.) and his suit was pressed in the best way a human can press it. And his cheap shoes were shined with polish from the dollar store. A fakey.

"And what can I do for this wonderful lady?" He said, smiling at Rosalie. Some kind of accent was noticable, like Jasper when he's mad.

"Her name's _Rosalie_, and I'm her _husband_, Emmett, and we're here to fix her car." I said. I didn't like the way he was looking at her.

" But you can call me Rose, " She said, flattered. GOD! Is. She. Serious?

"I think it would be more professional if you called my _wife_, Rosalie, if you would." I warned.

"I wouldn't." He answered. "I think Rosey would be ju-ust fine. I'm Mr. Stein, but you can call me Stue." He winked at her, and she gave him a full smile in return. She didn't even give_ me _a full smile! Anger was all I could feel. This was not right. I was....hallucinating? Yes...one of those big words. She doesn't like him. I mean his name is Stue Stein!

_But you don't know that, now do you, Emmett._

Who are you?

_Your conscience._

What?

_The person in your head that tells you things. I'm you. Thats why I sound like you..._

Oh, okay_. _

_Well it seems that guy is checking out your wife._

I see that...

_I know what you can do about it,_

What?

_Kill him. Make Rose realise how much she loves you. Kill him._

But Edward says_..._

_We don't give damn about what Edward says!! Anyway...don't bite kill him...make it look like an accident... plan it...slowly._

What do you think I should do?

_Anything!!!!!!! Anything that would get him off her ass. Tail...whatever. I know deep deep down... that you know what's right...what's wrong...one of them..._

Sure thing...uh. Conscience.

_Anytime._

Seriously?

_Yup...I'm like your smart side. The side that you happened to find now. I'm in your head. You have full access. _

I'm like Edward now?????

_No._

Okay_._

I straightened my stance, even though I didn't have to. How was I supposed to kill him slowly? Or withought killing him at all? Maybe if I think hard enough...your smart conscience might comeback. No, shutup. Figure this out on your own. Um...the bell! Yea, the bell, I can knock it over, flex, and make Rose realise she's crazy about me! Yup! That'll work.

I pick the bell right off the desk, and dropped, ( but not in an obvious way) and picked it up. The assistant blushed, but Rose rolled her eyes. Dang it! I thought that would work!

"Now let's go look at that car, Miss Rosey." Stue said, and took her arm to inspect the car. Seriously? Her arm? I stood there, stunned, not believing a word my eyes were telling me. Wait...a word... my eyes?...nevermind. The fact was...I just stood here.

"Wow, your really strong." The assistant said.

"Thanks." I said though a grimace.

"I'm Jennifer." she said, blushing deeply, her freckles noticable.

"Hi Jenn." I greeted, and she gave a strained giggle, like she was trying to hold it back.

"I mean, that bell was stapled, superglued, hotglued, and taped to the desk, guess I have to attach it harder now."

"Look, I'm sorry dude, I'll buy you a new bell if you want..."

"You didn't break the bell, you sork of ripped a whole chink of wood off of the desk."

We both looked down... and sure as hell, I broke the desk. Whatever. I'll buy her a new desk. Right now I have to plan a sneaky way to kill this "Stue Stein". Grumbling about the desk I walked outside, to find Rose laughing. Wow.

"...that had to be the funniest joke I have ever heard!" She exclaimed.

"Why, u'thank you." He answered. I just wanted to shut him the eff up!

"Now about my car..." Rosalie started. Her face got in a business like structure, and serious. Finially! We came here to get her car fixed... let's get her car fixed!

"Your car will be fine! You know, I can fix it myself, I am the owner, and the best. If you like."

"The best? What kind of cars do you fix?"

"I do Ferraris, Lamborghinis, BMWs, you have nothing to worry about." He said. I saw how he wanted to impress Rose, so I thought of the first smart remark that could make him seem loser...ish.

"How can you 'do' cars? I hope you don't mean..." I said, while I looked at Rose to see her reaction.

"I meant I fix, cars...those kind of cars. The ones I listed...." He answered back immediatly. I turned to glare at him, who turned to Rose, who just glared at me for glaring at him.

"Very mature Emmett" She said in Vampire speed.

_What are you doing? Thats no way to get her to like you again! Take action! Kill him now!._

Fine, fine. Stue directed one of his employees to frive Rose's car into the garage, and to get started. He continued to flirt with my wife, and Rose continued to see it as a kind gesture. He started a story about one of his former customers, and then started ranting about facts on construction and shiz. Just when I started to mix up a plan to get rid of him quietly, by conscience interrupted.

_Emmett._

WHAT!?!

_What part of 'kill him now' don't you understand?_

That part on how to do it.

_You're a wimp. Do anything._

Did myself just call me a wimp?

_Emmett, I think you're crazy_.

Doesn't that mean we're crazy?

_Well, if a little voice in you're head is telling you to kill someone... then I believe you're very insane._

You know what! I'll do it! Just shutup!

_Fine._

Fine.

_Fine._

Finenidy fine fine.

_I'm leaving._

Fine.

Now that that conversation with myself was over, I can take complete action. I picked up a pebble off the the ground, and put it in my mouth. Eckkk, gross. I taste like dirt, black soil, sand, and some other rock I'm too lazy to identify. I rolled it on my tounge until its positioned so when I spit it out, it'll shoot like a bullett right to the back of his head. Boom. Dead. All my problems are solved. He'll die for sure.

Then, like a distraction perfectly timed, Rosalie turns around and smiles, and tell me not to lurk behind. I was mezmerised by the smile, that I lost all postioning of the stone in my mouth. It slipped past the back of my tounge, and down my throat. I try so hard no to swallow, that it gets stuck.

And I start to choke.

Yup, even vampires have a gagging reflex. I cough alittle bit, but turns into a fit when I try to resist swallowing. Even thought I don't need air, doesn't mean I don't want it. Rose turns around, smiles, and apologizes for my behavior to Stue.

What the f--

The rock finally coughs up, and I spit it out as quickly as I can. It hit Stue right on the foot, and he yelps at the sudden pain.

"ARE YOU OKAY!?!" Rose gasp. She serious?

"I'm fine Rosey." he answered to her. "Just fine."

...?

_Smooth move. You should get the other foot, and Rose just might kiss the booboo for him._

Shutup.

_I thought he'd be dead by now!_

I did too.

_Run out of ideas yet?_

...yes.

_Well here's one. When he goes under the car to show off his biseps, which I know he will, kick the boot and let the car fall on him. Quick death, and not so messy._

Sound good to me.

_Can you follow that?_

...yes.

_Okay._

When we finally get in the garage, Stue finishes one of his incredibly boring stories. He starts talking about parts in a car, and how to carefully take them apart. I watches one of his workers, and complains on how their doing it wrong.

He takes one of his tools, and gets on a slider, and get under Rosalie's car. He takes some parts out, and the boot that holds the car up.

_Do it._

I put my foot under the boot.

_Do it._

My foot slightly moved up.

_Emmett_!

"What the hell are you doing????" Rose yelled.

Damn it, I was caught.

I looked up to explain, but saw that she was looking down at Stue.

"Fixing your car...."

"But thats taking out one of the most important pipes! Do you know what you could have done to my car?"

"Fixed it?"

"No! I can do this shiz myself! I didn't ask you to break anything. And the only reason I put up with your fake azz is because I wanted you to do an incredible job on my car! But No! I don't care about your lame employees, who probably know what their doing! I don't car about other car parts! I JUST WANTED YOU TO FIX MY CAR!"

"Wha...I...I" he stammered. All I could do was grin.

"I let you flirt with me. I laughed at your jokes. I tried to get serious!"

"..."

"You know what? Don't talk. Don't say anything, ANYTHING! NO ONE TALK!" She screamed. I wouldn't dare to talk. But I had to hide my face, before she slapped the damn grin off of it.

"Lets go babe. " She said to me as we got into our car. I still didn't talk.

We drove completely silent on our way home. Whatever. Fine with me. My red Rose still loves me.

"My God Emmett, you can talk now." She said. I didn't say anything.

"Anything...." She continued.

I shrugged my shoulders. Rose still loves me. Stue won't mess with her anymore, and I'm planning on continuing what we started this morning.

"Well...I have to buy a new desk."

**I am so sorry it took me so long to get this one out. I'll be starting other stories soon. BUT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE THIS ONE! I will updat faster next time. Don't forget to add any ideas to the reviews I know you'll be kind enough to write.**

**p.s.**

**I'm runnin out of blonde jokes...help me out here.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, I'm going to try to get these out faster. I get ideas before I go asleep, and it sooo frustrating how I lose them. So like I said, throw some Ideas at meh. **

**This awesome chapter is dedicated to: Homegrl aka Amanda , Tommygrl1997, mzboredasalways, btvs22, iamnotupsetwithjasper, M.G. Christiani, Dragonridingattorney43, JasperSaysCalmDown, giraffeeelover33, funsizedevil , Emerald-Forever, spidermonkey95, Total Twilight Fantic 212, gravity5, ccampbell542588, Twilightvampire258093** **and Indirose. Yay to reviewers!**

**Oh and I'm super sorry about grammer. I mess up alot. I guess I need a Beta Reader.**

**Question: I tend to use cuss words...that keeps this fic T right? Do you mind if I let the Meyerpires curse? Answer in the reviews if you want. But Warning: this chapter has serious language, so beware...and don't get mad at me...okay?**

**Disclaimer: I'm Stephanie Meyer undercover. Thats why my writings so good. But If I don't disclaim it, will I get in trouble...cause I just told you that I am Steph., Just don't answer that. Alright... I don't own twilight, but technically, I own this story....right? Don't answer that either.**

**Sorry about the long A/N.**

**Chapter 8 DON'T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTIONS.**

**JasperPOV**

This is a unique morning. Noone's fighting...noone's playing, noon'e doing anything. Including myself. Esme says I'm the problem to everything, well I believe I'm the solution. And what kind of solution? A...fun kind of solution, yea! I'm going to play alittle game..... Today everyone will...feel, yeah feel, different. Different... emotions! Yup everyone will feel different emotions. Different, and I'll see how they mesh. The reactions to other reactions will result in a family massacre! Whoa....maybe's Esme's right about the problem thing, that just made my head spin. Well, I swear I will unleash my empath super powers on the first person I see!

"Hi Jazzy!"

Damn.

"Um...hey babe. Can you, um scoot over, I'm concentrating." I said. That usually gets her away....faster.

"Sure. What'cha concentrating on?" _Go away ..go away.. I love you but, go away..go away..._

"Emotions..." Nah, I'm concentrating on the gorgeous structure of the house, and how Esme left some of her building equipment at the bottom of the steps. Of course emotions!!!...what else???

"What kind of emotions?" Alice said. She sat down on the 13 step of the stair case with me.

"Um...good ones." I said, and continued to look for another person. _Go away...go away....go away..._

"Good ones." She said flatly. She's suspecting...

"Yes."

She sighed and got up to stand in front of me. Even though she _stood_ two steps down, she still wasn't my height.

"Cut the crap, Jasper, I know what you're up to, and I want in." Whoa, she just came out and said that. I can't let her help me!!! That ruins the game!

"C'mon Alice...I don't know." She started to get upset, so I threw a wave of depression and quietness? Yea, quietness. She felt it, but because as my wife, she could resist at the first try.

"Did you just-" I threw another wave like a smack and the face, and another, and another. She shutup. I mean she sat down on the step, and shut up. I didn't think I liked Alice so silent, but _damn_, the silence felt amazing! I started to regret it, so I backed away before she could yell at me. Alice took a deep breath, so I cringed...

"What a terrible day..." She said. _What the hell?_

"...Alice?" I asked, as I took another step back.

"WHAT!?!" She screamed, then silenced."Just, I don't feel like talking. At all." She shrugged her shoulders sighed again, and went upstairs. I almost followed to comfort her, but hell, that was AWESOME! I never used my abilities like that on Alice. The awesomeness of the emotion attack still pounded threw me... I gotta do that again!

Then Edward and Bella walked by, holding hands. Ew. Too much Lovey Dovey in the air. I could fix that. Let's put alittle tension.....

"Ouch Edward." Bella complained. "Edward you're holding my hand too tight."

"No I'm not." He looked at their tightly held hands.

"Yes you are! Let go!"

"Calm down, I'll just untighten my grip, I don't have to let go!"

"Yes you do! I don't want to hold your hand ANYMORE." Bella struggled to release their holdings.

"You know what???? I don't want to hold you hand anymore either! You, you..." Edward failed to find the right word. More rage will deal with that. I turned up the dial.

"You...You ungrateful _bitch!"_ He yelled, and I chuckled...this is pure evil.

"Bitch?_ Bitch_??? I'll show you bitch!" Bella roared. She picked up one of the hammers Esme left of the bottom step, and ran over to the other side of the room. I got up, I had to finish the show, and Bella needed more anger, and I filled the order.

She took the hammer over to the piano, and pounded on the keys.

"BELLA!!! WHAT THE HELL! MY PIANO!"

"Let's see how much you love your damned Charlotte now!!!!!" She opened the piano, and started popping the strings. She accidentally hit some of Esme stuff on the floor, but that didn't stop her from destryoing the piano. She tore of the wood, and crushed the stool with her heels. Satifaction came over her, after she realised what she did.

"Whoa... I wanted to do that for a long time." Bella breathed.

The only way for this to come out in a way funny for me, is to make Eddy boy as sad as possible. I did notice a while back, when I used my powers in this quantity, he didn't notice I was using them, therefore, he didn't bother to read my mind, or suspect me. If he did...I would be dead. So before he could detect my scheme, I threw sadness and worthlessness at Edward. His emotions switched in a half a heart beat. Wow...I need a super name.

"_Bella...how could you_?" He sighed.

"I WANTED TO! Why do you think?" She asked, still surrounded by anger that she wasn't noticing Edward's dry sobs.

"I had Charlotte for 3 weeks. What will I name the next one?" Edward sank to the floor, and put his head in his hands, and continued to dry sob.

"SHUTUP!" Bella screamed.

"You...you didn't have to crush the stool..."

"Yes I did." She answered.

"Why do you have to be a...a...." Edward studdered.

"A bitch." I said as I walked by the scene, to sit on the living room sofa...this is just _too good_.

Just as Bella was about to yell, Esme walked in and gaped at the huge mess that used to be a piano. She was probably making plans on how to clean it up. She cares too much. It's about time she stopped caring.

"What did you _do_????" Esme yelled.

Edward slid over to Esme on the floor and tried to explain what happened, and tried to convince Esme to punish his wife.

"She broke everything..including your vases AND antiques!" His eyes looked excited. That would get Esme upset for sure. But. Da-da-da-dum! Super Awesome Emotion controller Empathy guy Major Jasper Whitlock is here to be the solution! Wow I like that name. I gave her a dose of, uncaring? Yes uncaring. Like I said a secong ago. She needs to stop caring.

Esme was lost in thought, and her face didn't change even though I changed her emotions. Edward started to get impatiant. Bella was still fiery-upset, and I was still enjoying the show.

"......Esme...." Edward said.

"Yes Edward?" She asked politely.

"The vases..."

"What about them?" She asked. Her face schrunched up, as if she didn't know what he was talking about.

"Bella _broke_ them...and _my piano_...the one _you_ picked out for me...." He used hand gestures to show the mess of the room.

"So....." She gestured for him to go on. Bella face was amazed, that she was not being lectured, and ripped to a billion pieces.

"Wha, ka, blaahk wha?... aren't you going to do something????" He asked again, and glanced back a the ruins that used to be "Charlotte."

"No." She answered. She raised an eyebrow, and turned to leave.

"Wait Esme! Aren't you going to clean this up?" Edward asked.

Esme chuckled as if he were saying a joke, or an impossible task. "Noooo. Clean that shit up yourself, ya'll made the mess." Edward, Bella, and I gasped. I made her cuss! Ooooooooo that's good.

"What? Why not?"

"Because I'm not your maid, and I do give a-"

"Esme! What's wrong with you!" Edward shook her, and she raised her hand to slap him, I moved up to the edge of my seat to prepare for the hit. But to my dissapointment, Esme thought he wasn't worth it. She doesn't care.

"I'm going to go...I don't care." Esme left the room and waved at Bella. Bella seemed relieved that she didn't get in trouble, but still remained upset at Edward.

"Excuse me Edward, but I have more of your stuff to break." Bella left the room with the rage still tied tightly to her back. Edward turned around to the piano, and twitched.

"I can't bare to look at it. I'm going to the cottage, before Bella breaks the piano in there." He said to me. Even in his cottage, my powers are still in full effect. Now that my work is done, and it's obvious that my solution is incredible, I'll move on to the next room. Its about time they let go of their newborn love.

I got up and avoided upstairs. Alice is up there. And who knows what she'll do to me in her depressed mood. She stopped talking! That worked!. So I decided I should go solve a problem in the basement, also known as the sacred _game room._

And there sat Jacob and Renesmee, watching Cinderella. Jake's face looked pained, and saw the romance sickening. Renesmee smiled and clapped occasionally. Not to worry Jacob! Super Awesome Emotion controller Empathy guy Major Jasper Whitlock is here!

To make him feel worryless, to make him enjoy the Cinderella is just like making a guy feel...drunk. Drunk! Drunkeness? I experimented, and gave the dog a wave of emotion the resembled drunkeness, and some relaxation. His sudden careless feelings released the tension in the air, so he sighed.

"Hey Renesmee, do you know somthing?" He asked. Renesmee looked up from the screen and to Jacob's eyes.

"Know what?" She asked, and then turned back to the T.V.

"Know why Cinderella got fired from Disney" He said. Just as he said this, Rosalie came down stairs, and smiled at me. Turning around to watch Renesmee, she noticed Jacob talking to Ness, which was always and uncomfortable subject for her. God knows what he says to her when we're not around. The last time he babysitted her, he got her sayin _what the hell _to this day.

Renesmee gasped and turned off the television, giving Jacob her full attention. "Cinderella got fired from Disney? How? Tell me Jakie Tell me!"

"Cinderella got fired from Disney cause she was caught bouncing up and down of Pinnocio's face yelling 'LIE BITCH LIE!'" (A/N If you don't get that...read it over...it'll come to you.) Jacob burst in to a tidel wave of laughter. Rosalie got the "joke" and hoped Renesmee didn't understand, and ran over and raised her hand to the pup. He flinched, not exactly knowing what was about to happen. Too much hate. I'll solve it! I gave Rose some affection, love, and admiration. That should do the trick.

Jacob looked back up to see that she didn't hit him, but continued to bring her hand down to his head. I was interested also, and watched to see what the hell she would do.

But to even Ness's surprise, Rose took her hand, and ran it through Jacob hair.

Haha! What the hell?!

He just stared up at her, not caring, but not comfortable either. He squirmed under her touched and tried to escape also.

"You have such pretty hair, Jake." She sighed.

"Well I know that. I'm just don't know why your not calling me _dog_." He sneered, and picked Renesmee up to leave.

"Because you're too beautiful to be called dog, silly!?" She exclaimed! Me, Nessie's and Jakes mouth hung open. Jake dropped Ness and found it hard to form words with his mouth still gaped open.

"What? What did you just say to me?" Jacob studdered. I forgot he could be mean too. Ah...he should have emotions that match Rose, so I gave him affection and Admiration.

Jacob's back snapped upright with the sudden change in feeling. "Why thankyou, I thought you would wait centuries until you finally said that." He said.

"Did I tell you you have beautiful hair?, because the style now is black, and I can't dye mine..." Rose started. Jacob gave compliments back, and if you saw them on the street, you'd totally think they were a tight couple. This was just too damn good. I called for Emmett cause he had to see this.

"What up bro?" He said as he skidded down the steps. I nodded to Rosalie and Jacob, and how they continued to give each other compliments.

"What's wrong?" Before I could answer, He plopped down on the sofa with Ness and played the movie. "Oooo, Cinderella."

"She got fired from Disney." Renesmee said, and all you could hear was Ness ranting about Cinderella, and Rose and Jake never ending compliments. Wait, why isn't Emmett doing anything? He just watched the television.

No reaction to your wife flirting is not healthy. My dear...idiotic brother...Super Awesome Emotion controller Empathy guy Major Jasper Whitlock is here!

I gave him jealousy, the natural emotion to when your girl is interested in another guy...dog...dogguy. Emmett looked at Rose, and then back at the t.v., the realization came suddenly, and he got up out of his seat, looking per-ritty angry.

"Jacob..what the hell do you think you're doing?"

_Oh shit._

Jake shrugged, " Just noticing how gorgeous your wife is." And turned back to Rose, and rubbed her face. Emmett was astounded by his answer, and he stepped back like a knock on the head.

_Oh shit._

Then Emmett ran at full vampire speed at Jacob, running them straight through the basement wall.

_Oh shit!_

Ness screamed and clapped her hands and asked them to so it again. Bella just ran downstairs to see what happened.

"Ooo, you guys will be in a hell of alot of trouble." she said. She was still in the aftermath of her anger, and I added alittle bit more, just for the fun of it. Ness was still in the excitement of the moment, and still asked if they could knock another wall down, even though Em was punching the thoughts out of Jake. If he didn't stop, he'd kill 'em. Like I care...really, but um, that might hurt Renesmee, or Bella. But Rose asked Emmett to cool it, telling him not to mess up his perfect face.

Esme walked down the steps, her emotions still in the same strength I gave her earlier.

"Esme! Thank goodness! Look what they did!" Rose yelled.

"So what, they finally broke ma' damn house..big whoop." Esme shrugged it off, and walked back upstairs, before she opened the door, she said "You could clean that mess up if you want...I'll be...I don't care where I'll be, but just make sure the house doesn't fall on Renesmee, please..." and she left.

We all just watched her exit. Jacob got up off the floor and Rose examined his face.

"Emmett you idiot, look what you did to him!"

"So what? He's ugly and stupid. I mean look at his hair!!!!" Emmett started. Bella picked up Ness, and went up stairs. I followed, knowing the tension down there was too much. I walked up the steps, and went into my room. Alice sat there, reading this book called_ Emotional Intelligence_, by Danielle Goleman and sighed sadly when she saw me walk in.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"Something wrong? Are you mad at me?" I knew the answer would be no, but she still feels depressed.

"No..." She said. I was about to change her emotions back to the happy Alice I love, but she continued her sentence. "I'm mad at this world. I mean look at our family as an example, they're killing each other...and for what? For the sake of having sakes. And that reminds me of this book. It talks about one's emotions, and how one can effect the other, even though they are completely different. Understand?"

I nodded, and she continued to talk quotes and quotes, so I just sat and listened, knowing it would be rude to leave. And I wouldn't change her emotions back, cause it was way too funny. I heard a car park outside, and feet walking on the gravel. Carlisle was home early! Damn.... I ran down stairs to watch him enter. I smiled, so he'd

He walked in casually, and noticed the destroyed piano. Before he could ask what happened, I mouthed "Bella," and he seemed to understand.

"Where's everyone?" He asked, and I shrugged,

"Um, Ness is with Bella, Edward is at the cottage, Emmett and Rose are downstairs and Jake's probably dead." No reason to lie.

"Jasper...what did you do?" Like I said, no reason to lie.

"I..uh...manipulated everyone's emotions until they snapped. Bella hates Edward, and Edward hated Bella because she killed Charlotte. Esme doesn't have a care in the world, Rose loves Jake, vice versa, Emmett got jealous...well I made him, and knocked him through the wall. Alice won't talk right and the house might fall down, and Esme won't clean it."

"Jasper..." He sighed. "You make a mess of things. Why do I have to come home to someone injured? God...change them back."

"Aw...c'mon."

"Jasper..." He said in a warning tone.

"Fine...but if they're all still angry or in love or depressed for some reason...it's not my fault." I went down into the basement, and switched the emotions off. Rose, Em, and Jake silenced, and looked at me with confusion. I ran back upstairs before the figured it out. Bella was holding Ness and watching t.v. in the living room. Bella was still upset...and that wasn't my doing. I threw out a wave of calm to both Ness and Bella, and they relaxed with an exhale. When I got to my room, Alice started up the quotes again. I switched her back to her quirky attitude, and sneaked a kiss and a apology.

I found Esme and Edward, and changed them back. Esme left the house when I changed her emotions back, not bothering to look back. Gosh...why does Carlisle have to ruin all the fun?

It got dark out so I figured it was 9:00. I was walking up the steps when Rose squeezed by me on the way down. She suck her arm out blocking my path. She wasn't looking at my face, and her anger was evident.

"Um...excuse me?" I said.

"Emmett told me what I said to the_ dog_." she spat. I chuckled...yup that was funny.

"Yea...what about it?" I asked casually.

"He told me it was your fault." Rose sneered.

"Uh Rose, I don't make you say anything. I just make you feel the emotions that are nessessary to expressing those words. Therefore, my blonde friend, is that you really do think Jacob's hair is beautiful," I looked up to see her stunned face.

"Listen to me _Whitlock, I will kill you_. Don't do it again, okay?"

"Whatever." I shrugged past her and went up to my room to read a book, when I heard Esme get out of Carlisle's car. Is there no peace in the world? She walked through the front door, and I heard a slight thump, meaning she probably dropped her groceries. I blinked and put my book down, waiting for the inevitable.

"Oh My God! My House!!!!!!!!!" She yelled. Realization came after anger. "_Jasper get your ass down here NOW_!"

It's official. Super Awesome Emotion Controller Empathy Guy Major Jasper Whitlock...is dead.

**Thanks for reading! Please review...and don't forget to tell me if you're okay with the cursing....well, I like it...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey all! Its Patastic! Just finished Time Traverler's wife...read it. Seriously. Its a have-to, a must, or whatever those weirdo critics say.**

**And I saw New Moon! 'Nuff said :) TEAM JASPER!**

**This chapter is dedicated to: TotalTwilight Fantic 212 (aka Storm.) Homegrl aka Amanda , Tiny Tim Tim, Tommygrl1997, JoanneSpencer95, mzboredasalways, btvs22, 1 Werewolf-of-Darkness1, iamnotupsetwithjasper, M.G. Christiani, Dragonridingattorney43, brittbad1, JasperSaysCalmDown, giraffeeelover33, funsizedevil , Emerald-Forever, spidermonkey95, gravity5, ccampbell542588, Twilightvampire258093 MarMarBlack, Angel that fell from the sky,****and Indirose.( If I missed you, yell at me) Thanks for favoriting. If I forgot your name, yell at me.**

**Oh and special Thanks to Terez, she gave me an honest opinion about my story, that really, really, helped me...thankyou so much Terez!!!!! (Check out her stories. I mean I love them, and I'm pretty sure you will.)**

**And I would like everyone to give a cyber applause for my new Beta!!!!! TotalTwilight Fantic 212!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOO! (I'm so happy I can't explain it through words....if I could give ya a rose, TTF, I would. I seriously, seriously would. Now I don't have to live with my terrible grammer mistakes.) Look at her stories too. One of them are like on of my favourites.**

**Dislclaimer!: I don't own twilight...but I wish I owned Jasper...(haha...I stole that from somebody...but the weird part is that I don't remember who...should I write a disclaimer for a disclaimer?...fine, Disclaimer: I don't own that disclaimer...happy now?)**

**This is another fam one. I wanna do this someday....there's one part, it's alittle cringe worthy.**

**Chapter 9 SCAVENGER HUNT **

**BellaPOV**

You have nooooooo idea how sorry and not sorry I am for literally ripping up Edward's piano. I'm so sorry, I'd buy him a house shaped like a piano, I'm so not sorry that I would tear it down once he laid eyes on it. Its not like he won't talk to me, Edward would never not talk to me, or he'd go insane. Its just that if he does, they're one word answers like:

_Wanna go hunt?  
Nope.  
Wanna go to the movies?  
Sure.  
Edward, are you still mad at me?  
No.  
Am I getting on your nerves?  
Never.  
Edward, will you forgive me?  
Yes...  
Wanna new piano...?  
YEAH!!!!_

Sigh. Charlotte, what a terrible, terrible name. (A/N I don't mean that Char, or whoever has that name...Bella does.) Well, the summary is, if Edward sulks, I sulk, and then Rosalie sulks (who pretty much does all the time, ) then Emmett sulks, then Alice, then Jasper, who makes everyone sulk, and the current of emotion goes around and around, until everyone's tired of being tired. The only person who you'd think wouldn't mind the silence, protest.

"What's wrong with you people!" Rose practically screams.

"What's up with her?" Jake whispers.

"'What's up with me is that I'm actually..." Rose is at a lost with words.

"Bumptious?" Edward suggested.

"A featherbrained blond?" Jacob asked.

"Completely beautiful." Emmett says like he got it right.

"Explosive?" Jasper says.

"Glamorous!" Alice squealed. Everyone turned to me for my suggestion. I shrugged, anything I say will come out either completely rude, or way too nice. Jake smiled, and decided to take my turn.

"A controlling bit-"

"Bored." Rose blurts out. "I'm bored. If I sit around this house for another minute, I'll get explosive. Any ideas anyone?" We all glance at each other, totally dumbfounded that Rosalie was the one asking us to play a game. She started tapping her shoes, and I started to feel anxious, and uneasy, then I look at Jasper, who is making us feel this way. Y'know sometimes I really hate that, when he manipulates, and I just wanna hit him, really hard...

"I got an idea." Jake says. We give him a look that says continue. "We can do a scavenger hunt thingy. Y'know, when ya go to the mall, and have a whole list of random stuff ya gotta buy, and the team that get the stuff first, wins."

Everyone looked intrigued, fascinated by the idea. Alice shakes her hand in a gesture that says, go on.

"I guess me and Ness'll be the judges. We'll make the list, and we'll pick the teams. Uh, can we have a few minutes to make up some rules?" He asked, and we all nod. I have to admit that I, too, like the idea of a scavenger hunt in the mall. As long as I can be in the same team as Edward.

We all lounge in the living room, while Renesmee and Jacob are in the other room making a list of rules and teams.

"I hope Carlisle won't get mad at us for doing this," Jasper started.

"K'mon Jazzy, what can happen?" Emmett said, he smiled and jabbed me in the shoulder. "What could happen?" We waited for another few minutes, and a lot of things that could happen flicked through my mind, when Jake and Renesmee filed back into the room.

"Ladies and Gentlemen...and Rosalie, we give to you the Sacred list!" Jake started handing out list of paper, two pages to be exact out, everybody in the room. The list wasn't that long, the items, though were the problem.

_The Sacred list_

_1. A picture of Mona Lisa  
2. 3 different kind of Cap'n Crunch  
3. 20 chocolate candy bars (different flavors)  
4. 8 inch Stilettos  
5. 4 boxes of condoms  
6. The book: A Wrinkle in Time  
7. A Vitamix Blender  
8. A huge 24 karrot pink diamond ring  
9. Karate flick  
10.A vintage Spanish Dress (You have to try it on...for size)  
11. The Japanese candy Pocky  
12. Two baby outfits  
13. A indigo ipod touch  
14. A glass figure shaped like a horse.  
15. 4 bath and Body works Soaps  
16. Green Lipstick  
17. A Build-a-bear  
18. Palm Pre Mini  
19. Webster dictionary  
20. A tee-shirt that states "Jake's the Man"_

We all looked up at Jake like he was crazy. What a stupid list. I mean, They weren't that hard to get, they were just really dumb.

"I know, I know, I'm a genius, right? Well go ahead, sit with your teammate." She shooed us, and we all sat with our spouse. He chuckles a bit, and the recaptures his face in an emotionless structure.

"Oh, silly me. I forgot to tell you your teams. Okay, Jasper is with Bells, Alice is with Emmett, and Rose is with Edward." He smiles and I squint my eyes.

"I'm with Jasper? That's not fair! He's so mean!" I yell, but Jake is unaffected.

"Thank Ness, she picked the teams." He says, as Ness shyly steps behind his leg. Rosalie scoffs and darts her eyes to me. I could tell she was completely annoyed by the comment, and annoyed at Jake. She suddenly stands, but doesn't say anything.

"Rose is mad because she's partnered with me." Edward started. Rose suddenly breathes in, but still says nothing.

"She's so pissed, she just might quit, but oh, she doesn't want to be a quitter, cause Rosalie Hale is a winner." Edward keeps quoting from her head, and we all wait to hear her wrath, but she closes her eyes, and breathes again.

"She says she'll rather lick a dog's as-" We all gasped, and Jake dry gags. Rose panics for a second then calms down.

"I didn't mean that one. I'm not gonna quit, I'm in this to win it." She huffed and walked over to the other side of the room.

"Good, cause while you guys were waiting, we stole one important item from all of you guys, We stole Bella's favorite cotton shirt, Edward's music notes, Jasper's civil war boots, Alice's green scarf, we took Rose's personalised Gucci Bag, and Emmett's Jeep engine. Here are the rules! You have exactly 2 and a half hours to find all of these objects. If you fail to get home on time, you might not find any of your stuff ever again. If you get all the stuff and come here on time, you get your things back. But if you fail to get everything, and get here on time, you get your stuff, but you lost. If you get all the items, and is the first to come back, you win. If you win, you'll get tickets to a concert, one of which I'm not telling you, and 700 bucks from each of the players. If you cheat, ha...if you're dumb enough to cheat, someone on your team will know. Lets say Emmett cheats, and so does Edward. Alice will see if Emmett does, so technically Edward would too. If I were to ask if Edward cheated, Jasper would be able to tell me the truth, according to his feelings. If Edward cheats, Alice would know, if Emmett does, Edward would and so on...Any questions?"

The room was completely silent, then a mixture of sad and angry groans and complaints filled the room like a overflowing glass of milk.

"My scarf, are you _crazy!?_" Alice cried.

"How the hell did you find my boots!!!!"

Emmett was on the floor, on his knees, mourning for his jeep. " Alice...we...must...win." He dry sobbed.

"What concert?" Edward asked. He sat back in his chair relaxed.

"We'll be in the living room, waiting. All items will be given away to charity or something. Money won't be a problem for you guys, and I tried to keep everything under 50 dollars. Oh and you have to stay at human pace at all times, and you have to take turn purchasing. Female first. When one teammate is looking for an item, the other teammate cannot not help you. Yo have thirty minutes to get to the mall, not including the 2 and a half hours." He smiled and left the room. "See you at five." he said on the way out. Renesmee stuck out her thumbs in a thumbs up way, and muttered a good luck.

We sat and looked at each other for a minute. Countless thoughts were running through my mind. That cotton shirt was the one Renee' picked out for me. I still love that shirt, and stupid me hid it in the back of my closet. I should have put a sign "Here lies something important to me. It's perfect for revenge and sabotage...Just take it!" I smacked myself on my forehead, then looked up. We scattered. Emmett slipped into Alice's Porshe and I into Edward's pink tinted Volvo. Jasper's driving. Edward, unfortunately, had to be driven by Rose in her car. Alice is driving her car, and we all pull out of the driveway. We have 25 minutes to get to the mall, not nearly enough time to get anywhere at this pace. I look out the window to see Rose glaring at me, and speeds, followed by Jasper, then Alice. On the narrow road, we are racing. Dangerously racing. Let the best team win.

**AlicePOV **

We finally get to the mall, and all six of us casually stroll into the mall with determined faces. Emmett, my partner in crime is giddy and jumpy.

"Relax, keep your eye on the prize. You have no idea how long it took me to get that scarf." I look at the lists, and read our first item out loud, as we drift away from the other teams.

"Where the hell would you get a picture of Mona Lisa? This is a mall not a gallery of important art or whatever." He shrugged and started to walk away, taking the list. I should know this mall like I know the back of my hand.

"The Gallery! The Gregory Gallery! They have everything!! Come On!" I pulled on his husky arm and moved him forward. We started to run a little then I realized we had to walk and run in human pace. If we cheat, Edward would know, and tell Jake. And I will not loose my scarf for this. We took the escalator to the second floor, and fished out the Gregory Gallery. I told Emmett to search through all the painting and pictures, photographs and other art. I came upon a Mona Lise with a mustache, it was a photograph, not a painting, but it will do.

"Emmett...look." I whisper. He comes over and smiles.

"Perfect." He says. I tell him to sing in his head so locations won't be given away. I look over, and take the photograph from its stand, and bring it up to the counter. A woman, with high cheek bones and short fiery red hair. She had black glasses and looked up at us with a confused face. Her shoulders arched, and she seemed to click out of whatever she was doing on her laptop. She had a pencil in her hair and led smears on her cheeks, and gave me and Emmett a grin.

"May I help you?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'll like to buy this, please." I said. The lady went back to her keyboard and started clicking some keys...then again...then again...and again. I started to get aggravated, so I tapped my fingernails loudly on the counter. Another minute of random key clicking went on, and I was about to scream. Finally, oh finally, she announced that the item was ten dollars. I politely paid, and hauled Emmett out of the store.

"Okay, you have to buy the next one, " I say, and shove him the list. He groans and reads: "3 different kinds of Cap'n Crunch...why the hell do we need that?"

"Cause it's on the list. And we could go to the...Walmart? That little Walmart, they have cereal at Walmart, right?" I turn to him, and he shrugs.

"How am I supposed to know what they have at Walmart? I don't exactly eat...y'know." He says.

"Yeah, Emmett, none of us do, you're a vampire, remember?"

"I'm a WHAT?!" Emmett yelled. He attracted attention and several people in a group turned in our direction and gave up weird faces. They had that Emo look going on, they were all in black and some purples and reds, which clash terribly, they probably think the dark dressing choices make them look bad ass, or their "misunderstood". My eyes started to hurt with the awful outfits. They needed my help desperately, but I didn't have the time. And that went against my nature. I smiled and waved, and tried to walk away quietly and unnoticed, before I started lecturing them on the art of clothes. One of the dorky teenage boys walked over and coughed a little, and stood next to me, and seemed to be looking at something behind me.

"Uh, I've seen you in this mall before...." He started. I could tell by his body language and tone of voice that he was attempting to flirt with me. I do not have any time for this. And Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock Cullen is everything but rude, but in this case, for time's sake, it's better that I should be for a while.

"Hey...uh, I bet you are a sweet guy and all, but um, I have something to do, and it sorta important, and I don't exactly have time to talk to you...at all, so its nice meeting you, um, person, and I hope we never get a chance to meet again in the future....k'mon Emmett!" I grabbed Emmett yet again and pulled him away from the entrance of the art gallery and walked in an inhuman speed. Faster, and faster. Emmett was still in shock about the fact that his Jeep was taken apart by Jacob. _Slow down Alice! Slow down or Edward will_ _know!_ My phone started to ring in my pocket and I read Edward's name. Crap...

"Hello?" I answered quickly.

"I already know." He said smugly,

"Know what?" I feigned ignorance. He couldn't know already, I barely cheated.

"That you're cheating. Your not walking like a human. I think Jake would like to know..."

"No! No...it was an accident! Don't tell Jacob, Edward...please." I begged. It wasn't on purpose. I was in the moment and having to move faster was a natural reaction. If he tells I won't get that scarf back....its precious!

"Fine...just don't tell if I slip up...deal?" It's a deal with the devil Alice....say no.

"Deal." I hung up and exhaled loudly. Emmett sensed my frustration and raised an eyebrow.

"Why would you do that?" He asked. "That was stupid, we all know Eddy Boy's going to take serious advantage of that. When he does something super stupid, you can't tell on him. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about my scarf, and your Jeep. Let's go." We go on the escalator, and walking a little, and went to the Walmart. What the hell is a Cap'n Crunch?

**EmmettPOV**

Cap'n Crunch. My secret passion. The crazy food. The only human food that I could consume without puking. The cereal that I only had twice after my transformation.

But three? Three? I remember one kind of Crunch. The original yellow corn made cereal. That's it. One kind. I've seen commercials of the Berry Blast or whatever, but I don't know of a third kind. Alice left and told me she'd be back in a second, saying that she never shopped in a food store frequently, and she would like to purchase some things. OH, well....Time to ask random people.

"Um, excuse me....ma'am...." I said to a little girl standing next to me. She had a few chains around her neck and some high pony tails. She had blonde hair that almost seemed to be white, and dark eyelashes. She turned suddenly when I tapped her shoulder with a flinch.

"Could you tell me where--"

"My mommy says not to talk to strangers!" She yelled. I don't want a scene I just want to know where the damn cereal is...

"Yeah, that's good to know but do you know where--" she interrupted me with a blow of a whistle, once, twice and three times.

"Listen kid, ****shhhreeeeeeeekk***** I don't wanna fight, I just ****shhhhhreeeeeeek****Tell me where the damn cereal is,**Shhhhereeeeeeeeeek**** I gotta get my jeep back!" I practically screamed. She kept blowing the whistle until a middle aged woman appeared and picked her up. She rushed and knocked over some of the cans behind her. I noticed her eye twitch and then she stepped back again with her kid in her hand.

"Get away from her, creeper!"

"No no, I wasn't trying to...I just wanted...no, that's sounds bad.....uh y'know where the cereal is?" She just stared at me.

"No. Mister. I would appreciated if you stay away from Ashley." She backed up...again.

"Sorry. I would appreciated if you didn't let your daughter roam the store." I tisked a bit, and the went on my way looking for the cereal. Isle 9, nope. Isle 10, nope. I could sniff it out? But I don't remember what it smells like! I could...no, no NO! Is life so unfair?

"Alice, Alice!" I whispered. She appeared out of nowhere, bouncing on the balls of her feat. Her expression was hopeful, but I'm sorry to dissapoint her. What did Jake say?  
When one teammate is looking for an item, the other teammate cannot not help you. Damn!

"Did ya find the Captain Crunch?"

"Do I look Like I found it? Unless the box is invisible...which would be really cool, y'know? Dude, I would seriously kill...well no kill...for a invisible cereal box, 'cause that's just epic, I mean epic..."

"Emmett."

"Yeah?"

"Jeep."

"Oh yeah! Well, um, I can't find the cereal, and I looked everywhere I swear." I raised my hand as if showing that I was telling the truth, nothing but the truth and the whole truth.

"Did you look in Isle 4? The sign that happens to have cereal and dry food written under it." Alice folded her arms and tapped her foot, eyebrows raised and all. It's sorta funny, yknow, she's all short, and all, and then she's acting all mature, but she's short! 'Couldn't help it, I chuckled.

"Do you think this is funny? No! That scarf is priceless! Get your lazy butt over in isle four before we lose!" She pushed me into the isle, and I saw them. Cap'n Crunch. Regular, Peanut Butter, and Berry blast. The other two were at the side right next to me, so I grabbed them quickly. But the Peanut Butter ( which I have to say sounds pretty gross) sat right in the center of the isle, with one left. Doesn't that crap only happen in movies?

But this shouldn't have happened. That little girl, "Ashley." stood at the other end of the isle, staring at the same box of Crunch.

"Mom, I found it!" She yelled, and skipped forward...

_No. No,no no nononononononono, I need that cereal!!! _

I inched toward the cereal, and Ashley eyed me. She picked up the pace and started to skip faster...

_Human speed Human speed human speed!!!!!!!!!_

"Back off, Mister!" The Ashley kid narrowed her little bratty eyes at me and grabbed the cereal box.

"I need this, little girl." I grabbed the box back.

"You said you found it....Omygod!!!" Ashley's mom stood at the end of the isle and called for help.

Man!!!!!

I ran with the cereal to the counter where I met Alice. She eyed my questionably, but I mouthed to her that I will tell her later. I rushed the cashier to check the cereals out, when Alice decided to pick out all the chocolate, now. Now. Of all times.

"Hurry up!" I yelled, and Alice threw the candy bars with the cereal.

"That's only 19!" She whispered.

"That's fine, we'll find something else later." I turned around to see mall security rushing toward me and Alice. I grabbed the groceries and threw some money at the cashier.

"Keep the change!" I yelled and scrambled out of the store. Alice took the bag of candy bar and ran after me. We hid behind the water fountain and crept to the escalator, avoiding the security. Alice narrowed her eyes at me but followed anyway, giving me a gesture saying, I don't wanna know. When I make sure the men in the stupid cop suits were gone, we casually walked as far away from the Walmart as possible.

Man, I bet Rosie's not having the same problems.

**RosaliePOV **

Okay this isn't right. Edward, in my eyes, is the most controlling butt in the world! I'm gonna slap the dog really hard in the face, after I get my by stuff back, of course. I'm 104% sure that he picked the teams on purpose, Renesmee wouldn't do that to me. I would let Edward do all the work but...we have to take turns.

We have the chocolate, and the cereal, the Mona, and 1 perk: Alice's deal.

When we left the pint sized store with the cereal, I looked on the list for the next item, stilettos.

"Um, Edward, you have to buy these." I said. I showed him the list and he snorted.

"No, I'm not." He turned away from me, grabbing the bags.

_Yes you are!_ I said in my head.

"No I'm not." He said aloud.

_Yes you are!!!!!_ I scolded in my thoughts.

"NO, I'm not!!!!" He yelled. He raised his arms into the air, dropping a few candybars out of the bag. I quickly picked them up after him.

_YES YOU ARE!_ I practiacally yelled.

"FINE!" He screamed. "Now where in this crap-mall, would I find 8 inch stilettos?" He earned a few weird stares from the people standing around us, and I simply smiled and waved back.

"Listen, you boob. I cannot, loose this, okay? And I'm sure as hell not going to loose because of you. So get your lazy butt to the Victoria Secret and buy those shoes!" I shoved him forward to get on the little elevator.

When we finally get upstairs to the shop and I yet again have to push him inside. Lo and Behold, Emmett and little Alice were there. Edward walks over to the shoe section, covering his eyes away from the revealing pictures on the wall. I finially see the shoes, 8 inch and all, but they're a size 5.

"You should be able to fit those perfectly." Snickered Emmett from across the room. Frankly, I don't care if he looses or not. It's my stuff at stake.

"Who said anything about fitting?" Edward asked. Em walked over and pointed to the list.

"Jake said." He stated simply. Edward scoffed.

"Did you try these on?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at Emmett.

"Yup." He turned to walk away.

"Liar."

"Yea! I did! Ali!" Emmett scurried to escape Edward gaze.

"Hey! Imma tell Jake!" Edward yelled after him. Can Edward go one second without snitching on someone? That's it. He's not doing it anymore.

"Edward quit being sucha baby." I said, and grabbed the pair of shoes, flinging them at him. They hit his chest then fell to the floor.

"I am NOT putting them on." His face was unmoving, unyeilding, uncompromising.

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not." He gave the shoes back to me.

"Yes, you seriously are." I gave them back.

Edward quickly got aggrivated (Like all bipolar people do) and threw the shoes across the room."Alice, remember that deal we had?" Edward asked, and turned to her who was now purchasing the shoes. She blinked a few times, a sour look coming up on her face. She sighed, and looked up to meet his eyes, my husband standing right behind her.

"Yea, what of it?"

"You don't snitch to Jake about me. I'm not putting the shoes on." She understood his request. She wrinkled her nose and threw the bag over her shoulder. They were headed toward the exit, when Edward went to go pick up the shoes he had thrown.

Apparently, he had thrown the shoes over the where some manichins were, and Emmett came over and pushed Edward.

"Oops." Em whispered as he pushed Edward onto one of them. It appeared to look like Edward was doing some innapropriate, unhealthy things to the platic thing, and I heard some camera snaps from Em's phone.

"Smile!" He said and showed Alice. Serves him right, that Edward. He was being so stubborn. But yet again, if he looses, I loose with 'em.

"Emmett, give me the phone." I whispered. He smirked but shook his head.

"Sorry babe, you took advantage of us, so we're taking advantage of you. I don't think Bella would like to see what Edward does in his free time, now would she? We all know what happens when she gets mad." He showed Edward some of the pics. They were definatly wrong looking.

"Crap." Edward muttered. "What do you want?"

"A truce. You don't make anymore deals. You can't cheat. But we," He pointed to Alice and himself, "can."

Edward groaned, but nodded. "You can only cheat one more time. That's it, or no deal." We bought the shoes, and we started to leave. "Oh," he started. "Don't show Bella the pics, or that's my head. Seriously." And we left.

"What just happened?" I asked when we left that place.

"Truly? I had no idea." Edward answered. "You're husband's an ass though, he's still planning on showing Bella the pictures. But..."

I gestured him to go on. "But..."

"How can he show Bella the pictures, if he doesn't have his phone?" He raised Emmett's SideKick and snickered gleefully.

"Wow," I gasped, "you are fast." He slipped the phone in his pocket and started to find the next item on the list. "Hey, shouldn't you delete those pictures now?" I asked.

"Nah, I'll do that later. We need...4 boxes of-"

**JasperPOV **

"Condoms?" I finished. What is wrong with Jake? I suspect his mother must have dropped him when he was a child. He's seriously sick in the head.

"I have to but those? Why me?!" Bella yelled.

"Cause I just bought the shoes, so let's go." We started to walk with our several bags, when she stopped abruptly in the middle of the mall. She was really nervous, fearing that she won't get her things back.

"Where are we supposed to buy the...candy wrappers?" If she were human, I'd bet Emmett a lot of money that her cheeks would be as red as a tomato.

"Candy wrappers?" I laughed. What so wrong with the word condoms? Let's say it together. Con-doms.

"Yes, candy wrappers. Where would we find those?"

"Think about that question, Bella. Exactly how long have I been a vamp? Long. But you? Not so much. The person here that's most educated when it comes to 'candy wrappers' is, in fact, you." I smiled as I thought about Edward's reaction to her knowing everything about 'candy wrappers'.

"Fine." She mumbled. Bella led me to some creepy little store. Icky colone and gross perfumes smells tainted the air. But Edward and Rosalie's scent, did not escape me.

"Your bitch was here." I tell Bella. She smiles and walks deeper into the unkempt store in search for her, quote, unquote, "candy wrappers." Ah, the irony in the name is so funny.

I lean on the dusty counter as the cashier smirked at me. He had peircings everywhere, and dyed black hair. He wore...eyeliner? Wow, I'm way too out of the times.

"Found them." Bella called and walked up to the counter. The cashier raised hie eyesbrows really high when he saw 3 boxes. He looked in complete shock. Why was he so hype?

"Bella, we need 4 boxes." I held up my fingers.

"Oh, right." She left at a relaxed pace back to the end of the store to get the last box. I looked back at the 17 year old cashier who had the surprised, smug feeling radiating off him.

"What?" I asked.

"Four boxes???? What do you do for a living, cause I swear chicks are into jobs." He winked at me. I got the hint. He thought me and...Bella...were to together. (A/N *shudder*)

"No, man, she's my sister." I say. He shruggs, but his smile get even wider.

"Step sister?" He asked, and winks again. I swear, I'm about to punch this guy in the face.

"No, she's my sister. That's it." The cashier looks at Bella when she puts the last box on the counter.

"You sure you need 4? One's okay, y'know." He inquires.

"No, we NEED 4." She breathes, and grabbed the bag. She pays, and I can hear the cashier scoff "Sister." We leave the shop and I look at the next item. A Wrinkle in Time. That was an easy task, we were in and out of Borders pretty quickly.

But the Vitamix blender wasn't on sale. They were giving out samples to show how it works, but it wasn't onsale. Which sorta sucks for us. The southern lady giving out samples smiled when we walked by.

"Hiya sir! Try this, I swear you'll like it!" She gave me a small cup of carrot juice.

"I'm alergic to carrots." I say, and pass it to Bella.

"Well, how about this?" She give me chicken soup.

"I can't eat high amounts of sodium. Sorry." She frowns, but moves on to another passerby. I pull Bella to the side and she yelps in surpirse.

"Bella, we need that blender." I tilt my head toward the modern machine, but she doesn't catch my drift.

"But...it's not on sale." She seemed confused. I sighed and pinched the crook of my nose.

"How do I spell this out for you?" I ask, but she shrugs.

"I'm not a good speller." I sigh again, but she leans in to here me out.

"We steal the blender, Bella." She nods and makes and "o" sound.

"How do we do that?" She asked and looks around to see if anyone's easedropping.

"You mean, which, way we should steal it? We're vampires, Bella, we can go really fast." She makes another "o'' sound, but seems confused.

"But...that's cheating! And we won't get our stuff back! We can't cheat!" Crap. Forgot about the rules. We could...bribe? Yea....bribe.

"Lemme see your phone." She gives it to me, and I rush down to the main hall and saw the pianos on display. I told Bella to snap a few pictures of her standing next to one, and told her I'd send it to Edward.

"And...what exactly would that do?" She asked, dumbfounded.

"If you convince Edward you'd buy him a new piano if they don't snitch on us, we could steal the blender, and be on our way." I took the phone and snapped a few pics of Bella next to the piano and sent them to Edwards phone. The message under said : _Dear Edward, you can get a new piano, if you corraperate. If you are smart, (we all know you aren't) you won't tell Jacob.-Bella._

"That doesn't look like I wrote that." She said. I sent it anyway and started back to the blender. I tried to ask the lady for it, but she tells us that its not for sale, confirming our guess.

"He texted us back." Isabella says and shows me. _Deal,_ it said.

I smiled and told Bella to distract the sample lady. She asked me how, and I told her to be creative. Bella sighs and walks up to the woman.

"I like your shoes!" She says, and the woman just narrows her eyes. Good job Bella, its kinda hard to compliment a woman on her shoes if she's wearing flipflops.

"Thank you..." The woman responds, and goes back to giving out samples. I run my hand through my hair and ask Bella to come back.

"What the hell," I ask politely, "was that?"

"I don't know!!!! What am I supposed to do?" Why was I partnered with oblivious one?

"I'll distract her, you grab the blender, okay?" Isabella nods and stands back.

"Excuse me ma'am..." I started, looking straight into her eyes. The woman looks back at me and blushes. Man, I forgot about the good looks. I take a glance at her name tag, that says "_Hi, my name is Tina_," "Do you mind if I...." Think Jasper THINK! "Try the carrott one?" Ew, man, human food. She hands it to me and I motion Bella to grab the blender. She hesitates, but takes it as Tina studies my reation. I grimace as the orange gook is swallowed and I smile. I tell Bella in Vampire speed to run. I drop the cup on purpose and when Tina crouches to pick it up, we're gone.

My phone rings in my pocket and to my surprise, it's Alice.

"Who was that???" I can feel her anger from here, she must not be that far.

"Who was who, love?" I ask. Bella asked me what's wrong, and I just shrug.

"_TINA!" _She screeched.

"Um, she's a saleswoman." I don't know what she's implying.

"Yea, *_scoff_* right. And tell me, why you were obviously flirting with her?" I could bet a million bucks that her eyes were narrowed right now.

"Babe, she's like 50." She can't be serious, can she?

"Yes, and you're like 150!!!" Okay, she's serious.

"Um, Alice, we have to get our stuff back, and you're wasting precious seconds." I calmed my voice down. My powers can't work through the phone, but my voice can.

"...fine." She says, and hangs up.

Bella referrs to the list and smiles at me. "Why on the planet, would Jake need a 24 karrot pink diamond ring?"

**EdwardPOV **

Another hour passed, and we hade 3 items left. Putting on that dress was torture. Especially when you had Rosalie standing right there laughing super hard.

***Flashback****

_"You look so gay!" She screamed, laughing so hard. _

_"Thanks a lot Rosalie!" I yelled back. She wasn't exactly helping the situation I was in. _

_"Stand still, I want to take a picture!" She yelled. Soon we had a crowd laughing at me snapping pictures. _

_"This is soooo going on the internet!" She screamed. I turned around to take the dress off, and more camera flashes went off. People screamed "Look at his ass!" and "Take a look at that behind!" It had to be the most embarrassing moment in the mall. _

_"His name is EDWARD CULLEN!" She called to the people, and left to purchase the dress. She can be a complete Bee-otch. _

***End of flashback***

I shook out of my memory and kept walking, searching for a Radio Shack or some kind of store that would sell a "Palm Pre Mini" We realized half way through this game that half the stuff here isn't even out yet. We had to bribe an Apple employee to give us the indigo ipod. I had to get green lipstick, and Rosalie actually put it on me to see if it was the right shade. Then you had people yelling "Its the gay guy!" This isn't the best day of my life. We found the Radio Shack and entered, looking for the first gullable employee.

He was checking something out on his computer and looked up at me.

"We need the Palm Pre Mini." I begged to him, and he laughed.

"That won't be out for another month!" He laughed at me, then went back to typing.

"Okay...do ya have it now?" Rose asked. He looked back up, gazed at her, then shook out of it. He went back to typing, so I decided to read his thoughts.

_'I swear, I'm gonna quit if anymore lousy costumers ask me for discounts and off sale products. What's wrong with people today? What happened to 'Hello, how are you?'_

Quickly thinking, I did what he asked mentally.

"Where are my manners? Hello, how are you today?" I asked. He blinked twice, and answered a shy "Fine."

_'Okay, that was weird, its like he's reading my mind. Tell him to 'eff off' or something, he just wants the stupid phone. I'd give it to him for a thousand dollars. Yea, a thousand dollars.'_

"I'll give you a thousand dollars for it." I said quickly. He gaped at me.

"Seriously?" He asked. Rosalie snorted, and dropped the money on the counter.

"Are you guys, like FBI agents or something?" He asked, just as I was about to agree with him Rosalie interrupted.

"I'm the cop, he's the stripper under questioning. We need the phone now, because they're are people's possesions at stake. So hurry up!" Stripper? I swear I'd quit right now..

"Alright! Alright! Here!" The guy shoved the phone at us, Rosalie giving him a grin and we left just as swiftly as we came.

We found the stupid Webster dictionary quickly and Rosalie checked her watch. "We have 45 minutes!" She yelled. She pointed to the t-shirt maker guy and we scurried over to him.

"We need a shirt that says 'Jakes the man' Please!" She yelled at him. He seemed frightened by her outburst, but shook his head.

"Sorry, miss, but I was paid a lot of money not to make another shirt with that logo on it."

"By who?" Rose growled.

"He told me not to tell you his name, but the shy one next to him had said it." The man answered and stepped back a little.

"Please, sir, can you describe him?" I asked politely.

"Kinda tall, scary looking, attractive, medium build..." He gestured his hands trying to mold the air into a person we both knew.

Rosalie started to get aggitated. She rolled her eyes dramatically and folded her arms. "Blonde hair?" Rosalie spat out.

"Yea..."

"Jasper!" Me and Rose said at the same time. We now have 40 minutes.

"How much did he pay you?" Rosalie quickly asked. The man answered 200 dollars. That cheap boob!

"I'll pay you twice as much if you just make the shirt!" The man agreed, and made the shirt pretty fast. We made the Tee black with the writing in red and he even agreed to put a little wolf on the back. Jake'll love that.

When we finially had everything we ran to the car and started it up, speeding back to the house. I wished in every language I knew that Jake wouldn't pull a last minute rule.

**JakePOV **

This is _awwwwsome. _I just got six desperate vampires to run the mall in hope that I would play fair, and return their things like I promised! It's INCREDIBLE how they believe me!

Renesmee and I have been chillaxin' in this huge house for hours. I...(thanks to our last babysitting session) know how to properly take care of Ness correctly. I kept the ice cream at arm's length, and stayed away from amusement park commercials, wildlife documentaries, and persuasive puppy dog faces.

We sat here and watched "Hotel for Dogs" when Ness asked when they should be back.

"Um, they shoud be her in...crap!" They have 12 minutes to get in here now! I looked out the window, Ness doing the same, to see a can't - miss pink tinted Volvo, and the rest of the crew.

"They're here!!!" Renesmee squeaked as she plopped down on the couch, anticipating their reations.

You should see the Cullens. The literally wrestled each other to get to the door first. I mean you have ten minutes to get into the house, so why the rush?

"You have to bring all the bags!" I yelled out the window, and in a blink, they had all the bags in their hands hustling to the door. Unfortunatley, the door is very small, and when you have six husky vampires with a billion bags each, that door lookes smaller and smaller, and they get bigger and bigger.

Whoa, time flies fast. Minutes are going by and they seem to go too slow. 3 minutes, then 2, then...60 seconds until they all should be in the living room. In a flash, both Rose and Edward and Bella and Jasper stood in the living room, and Em and Alice struggling through the kitchen.

"And the first team disqualified is....Alice and Emmett!!!!" I yelled, and Renesmee clapped her hands and gave a delightful laugh. Alice gaped in disbelief.

"Your kidding..." She breathed. I smiled.

"Nope. But you're in the house...so technically, I can give you your stuff back." I clapped, and Renesmee handed Alice her scarf and Emmett is keys.

"Wait, so they like...won?" Rose asked. No , if I just said disqualified, why would they think they won? Stupid Rose...

"No, blondie. The winners get the tickets, remember?" I had promised them tickets to a concert that only me and Ness know where. "Alright lemme see the stuff!" I checked the bags, not even referring to the list and grabbed the stuff I wanted. The awesome Jake shirts, the cereal, the candy bars, Pocky, and The buildbears.

I handed them all to Renesmee. They all gasp.

"This was all for her????" Jasper screamed.

"I think its sweet,'" Alice said with a smile. I took the diamond rings and gave them to Ness, she popped the diamonds out and bended the sterling silver base.

"Do you have any idea how much we paid for that?" Bella sighed. Yea, yea, money's not a problem with you richies.

"Those rings are the only ones that manufacture that kind or metal...Sorry Bells, " I said, I did a quick search, and grabbed a few candy bars. I checked Ed and Rose's bag and noticed that the 100 grand bar wasn' there. They think they're slick.

"There's a bar missing from your bag." I said, and Edward and Rosalie looked in to see if I was telling the truth.

"He is..." Jasper said. They all sighed. I was planning letting Ewdard win. Oh well.

"Disqualified!" I yelled

"But-" Edward started.

"Dis!!!!!" I interrupted.

"Listen you dog...." Rosalie snarled.

"Qual!!!!!!" I screeched to stop her.

"This isn't fair!" Edward whined. He's such a baby.

" -ified! Next!" Jasper and Bella. I checked the bags. All gooooood. They win.

"They win." I voiced. They fist pumped as the rest huffed.

"Relax, all of you, ya get'chur stuff back." Taking the ridiculous things Ness and I stole and gave them back to the Cullens.

"Now for your prizes!!!" I clapped my hands together and thought of exactly what I was going to give them. That's right. I have no idea what I was going to give the winners. Then why, why would I tell them to run around the mall like idiots wasting thousands on little things I wanted to give Renesmee? Entertainment, of course!!!!

"What do we get?" Bella said with some impatience.

"You get to tickets to....The Jonas Brothers Concert!" I laughed as Ness said "Dum Dum Dum Da!!!!" In the back.

"I always wanted to go see them!" Emmett whined next to the foyer.

_But first I have to buy the tickets..... _

"You don't even have the tickets!" Edward practically screamed as he ran his hands through his bird nest of hair.

_Thanks a lot!!!!!! _

"Whatever. I'll just look them up on the internet...not that hard to get." I hopped on the computer and looked up Jonas Brothers tickets. Then the computer blinked a few times. Spam! I hate this stuff!!!!

Then these images popped up. Bella gasped and covered Renesmee's eyes. Rosalie started making noises you can only discribe as laughter. And I just stared at the screen in awe. This man, in a dress, was obviously trying to cover his body.

"Edward...is that...you?"

**Alright...alright. Please don't get mad at me. I know it took me forever...but...lots of school work. Romeo and Juliet....The Odyssey.. Oedipus the king...the works.**

**You know what to do. Review and tell me if I lost my touch.**


	10. Chapter 10

** Here's a quick one for you guys for the holidays. I decided to write one because these last few days of the year are awesome, and it's inspiring.**

**This one is dedicated to everyone. I would write all your names down...but my laziness may cause me to forget all your awesome pennames, so therefore, I will just say everyone and now we're all happy. :)**

**Just want to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and the rest of those holidays we can't pronounce.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga. I don't think you'd want me to either.... I'd just mess up, over exaggerate, and pervert the characters Like I'm doing now.**

**Thank you Stormie for betaing. :)**

**Chapter 10 ALL YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS WHAT?!?**

**JacobPOV**

"Sleigh bells ring...are ya listenin'?" Alice sang for the thousandth time. Don't get me wrong, she cute 'n all, but she's annoying as heck. I love the holidays. The gifts, the laughter, hanging out with Ness, the gifts...but I've never had a Christmas with the Cullens.

Or should I say the Cullen women?

I thought all the wierdo girl stuff are suppose to die off when they did? Alice's constant carrolling, I mean over and over and over again... Bella's NO help, because apparently, she likes to show off her new singing voice, Esme's constantly, CONSTANTLY remodeling the living room for the Christmas tree, and Blondie. I thought she'd have nothing to complain about because uts Christmas time when everyone is supposed to be happy. But crap, can she talk.

"In the lane...snow is glistening!" Alice squeaked. Edward groaned and ran his hand through his hair.

"How is it that you are singing that song but happen to be singing a whole different song in your head? Impossible!" He screamed at her. Renesmee held her hands over her ears and Edward gave a small apology.

"Oh shutup you know you like them, and besides, I don't want you to know what I'm getting everyone for Christmas." She smiled back at him.

"They're annoying." Edward said.

"They're awesome." Bella interrupted. "I like it when Alice sings. It brings... Christmas spirit!"

"I never really liked them, even when they started." Jasper said. I fist pounded him.

"I'm glad there's someone here on my side."

A thought popped up in my head and I turned to look at Edward. "Weren't you like...alive when they invented those songs?" Edward nodded and shrugged.

"Most of them. But if you hear them every day at the end of the year, for almost a century, ya get pretty sick of them." He smiled at Ness and handed her over to me. It was Monday afternoon, two days before Christmas. The dark night sky was a deep blue, and when standing on a hill, you could see all the awesome Christmas lights people took their time to put up.

"I agree!" said Rosalie.

I felt relaxed for a moment then realization interrupted. I have nothing. Nada. Spit. I don't have any gifts. Especially...for Renesmee. I heard Edward chuckle.

"You think this is funny Sparkles?" I sneered at him.

"1. Yes. 2. Its not sparkling, we glisten, and 3. We all do it." He held up his fingers while he made his points. Before I could counter his replies, loud, booming laughter rang out in the room.

"Ho, ho, ho!!!!" Emmett yelled. "Merry Christmas!" He had the whole Santa suit on, with the white beard and everything. He even stuffed his stomach to appear fat. Nah...didn't work.

"I hope your talking to Rosalie...." I murmured. Bad idea...one can forget your filled in a house with vampire that have super hearing.

_Slap. Slap. _And a really hard _SLAP._

"God... I was just kidding!" I raised my hands defensively. "You people...have no sense... of humor."

"I don't get it..." Jasper whispered. I opened my mouth to complain, but I got slapped again. It hurt really bad and I felt tears well up just alittle bit.

"Who hit me?!? I swear to go if it was you Blondie I'll --" I raised my fist but she just smiled.

"It was Renesemee." She said simply and sat down. I narrowed my eyes and folded my arms, not believing a word she just told me.

"No it wasn't--"

"Yes, it was. Ask her." She nodded her head toward Ness who was sitting next to me looking alittle guilty.

"You hit me?" She nodded her head. "Why?"

"Because you called Aunt Rosie a ho--" Edward rushed over and lifted her up, shushing her before she said anymore words.

"Bed time for you, pottymouth." He said. Rensemee resisted and pushed at him and insisted that she should stay up and watch Esme light up the house with her decorations. Edward agreed like the push-over I think he is, and Renesmee glowed with acomplishment on the couch.

"Hey Rose." Emmett yelled over.

"Yes?" She said, raising an eyebrow.

"Wanna be Santa's helper?" He smiled. I turned my head and listened to them leave. I did not want to hear anything with that kind relation toward those two. I've heard terrible rumors.

Bella shook off the awkward moment and got up off the chair she was slouching on.

"I'm going to go make some cookies for you guys, do you want to help me out alittle bit Alice? I might need it, I tend to burn things even being a vampire." Bella said giving a wry smile, motioning Alice to the kitchen.

Alice smiled and skipped to the foyer and into the kitchen entrance. " Its a marshmallow world in the winter! When the world come to cover the ground, Its a time for play, its a whipped cream day...!" She sang as she spun into the kitchen.

"I wait for it the whole year round!" Jasper sung. _He's singing!_

"Traitor." I rolled my eyes.

"Hey..hey...hey... when you have almost 3,120 people in Forks with the same Winter spirit and everyone giving off the same joyful emotion, it starts to catch on." Jasper shrugged it off, saying that the smell of the cookies were going to make him puke, so he left.

While Renesmee and I were in the living room, I took the chance and asked the question I wanted to for the moment.

"Hey Renesmee..." I whispered. Pointless. They's hear me anyway.

"Huh?"

"What do ya...uh...what for Christmas?" I hesitantly looked at her.

"Hm...." She tapped her lips and looked up, deep in thought.

"Hmm...what?" I knew I was getting impatient, but dude, I wanted to know realllllyy bad!

"A...a puppy!!!" She screeched. She fist pumped in the air and clapped her hands. She wanted a puppy? A dog? Man's best friend???? Then what was I to her! I was her puppy!!

"You want a what?" I asked nicely. I'm not going to scream at her...she might scream back.

"A puppy! A little cute puppy dog please!" The she ran out of the room, not another word spoken. I sat there, stunned, and ran my hand through my short hair quickly. _I'm not getting her a puppy for Christmas!_

* * *

"She want a puppy!!!! That's the most funniest thing I've ever heard!" Jasper laughed, clutching his stomach.

"Tell me about it man...I mean, I'm a cute puppy right?" I asked.

Jasper stifled a chuckle, and stepped back alittle.

"I don't know about that one man, but you would think because you transform into a pup, she'd appreciate it, but I don't know what to tell ya."

"What do I do? Your the Go-to advice guy!" I gestured wildly at him and he stepped back again.

"I don't know, but get her the puppy, But trufully? She'd probably eat it. Like really eat it... but come back to me when you're in your right mind, your acting alittle crazy." He jumped down the steps leaving me to my thoughts.

If I get her the dog, she'll forget about me. She'll think the dog is incredibly adorable, and totally think I'm some slobbery mutt.

"No she won't." Edward said from behind me, making me jump.

"Gosh, Edward, don't do that! And stop doing that mind reading thingy!" I yelled at him.

"I think you should just get her the dog." Eddy said simply. "If she likes it, she likes it. If she doesn't, you've got a leprachaun on your side."

"Leprachaun's exist?!?!" I exclaimed.

"No, just...get her the pup, or she'll have a very dissapointing Christmas. You should do that now...we sort of have and hour or two before Christmas Eve. Night Jake."

"Thanks Edward." I sighed. Time to go buy a dog.

* * *

It's Christmas Eve. Already. I can't find the right dog. I've seen Pugs, Yorkshier Terriers, Dalmations, and Oh, my favorite, the "Shitzu." But the puppy that I thought was perfect for Ness was The Austrailian Shepherd. Its just the kind of cut dog that she'd want...but not cuter than me.

"Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way!!!!!!!! Oh what fun, it is to ride, on a one horse open sleigh!!!" Alice sang. She sang all morning, actually, and they're permanenty stamped onto my brain.

Standing outside of the Dog shop that was about to close in a few minutes, I rushed inside the building hoping to get a deal. I asked for the pup and signed all the paper work but the clerk lady frowned at me.

"Sorry, we can't give you the dog right now..." She said sorrowfully. "But we can give a picture of it!" Her voice got higher as if the suggestion helped me.

"You mean, that I just signed all that stuff, paid for he dog and I can't take it home?"

"Yea." She said.

I don't believe it. "And your saying, you'll give me a picture of it?!" I yelled at her. The lady frowned again, but got alittle angry.

"I just said that."

"You're sure you can--"

"Um, sir, It's Christmas Eve. We can't give the animals out just yet. The paper work has to go through. But Like I said, we can give you a picture." She tapped her finger on the counter, and I sighed.

"Fine, man, just give me the picture." She excused herself and took the picture, giving it to me. I scowled alittle but walked out into the snowy day anyway.

Dude, I hope she doesn't cry. I mean, a guy can try, right? But as for the Cullens... let's just say they bought all their gifts at the mall a few weeks ago.

* * *

It's Christmas. I'm siked on what I'm gonna get. Selfish? Who, me? The ipods and the phones are going to them as gifts. Most of the other stuff I forced them to buy was going to charity. See I think ahead! No...not really.

Everyone was sitting around in the living room when I arrived. Renesmee was on Emmett's lap, and ran into me when she saw me walk in. She handed me a gift. I thanked her and greedily opened it up. Tools. Awesome.

Everyone got their gifts. Edward got a white piano from Bella. He gave a quite disgusting kiss in front of everyone, making everybody, including Ness, cringe.

"I'm naming it...Ruthana!" He yelled.

"You're naming it?!" Bella screamed at him.

"Well yes..It fits her." Edward said calmly.

"Her?!?" She yelled back at him.

"Well what gender do you think a name Ruthana fits in?" He said sarcasticly, but immediately apologized after he said it.

It was about time for me to show Ness the picture. But Rosalie stepped out infront of me before I could say anything, and held out a box. Weird...

"I got you something." She said sweetly before sitting down.

I looked at her questionly, but opened it cautiously. I don't want some kind of acid gas flying into my face. I looked into the box, not at all surprised. A leesh? That bitch.

"Seriously?" I asked. So...unoriginal.

She just shrugged. "Be grateful, It's genuine leather." I threw the box over with the rest of the nice stuff that they gave me. That...that I might keep.

Now for the big part. I showed Ness the picture and she grimaced, and scrunched her eyebrows.

"What's that?" She asked. I was alittle confused. Didn't she want this? Didn't she want a puppy?

"The puppy you wanted for Christmas." I told her. She laughed at me and put her hands on my face.

_She showed me images of myself, in wolf and human form. She showed me images of us together laughing, and playing barbies. _Then they were gone.

"All I want for Christmas is you, silly!" She said, smacking me as hard as she did a few days ago. I wonder who taught her that...I might have to ask later.

"Well, thanks..Ness." I smiled shyly and Rosalie scoffed, killing the moment. Now what am I going to do with the little guy? What will I do with a dog? Okay, I could give it away or somethin', but dude, this isn't fair.

"Well...Christmas is nearly over and New Years is almost here. We could stay up late and get drunk!" Emmett yelled.

"Emmett...you can stay up as long as you want. And you can't get drunk. Alcohol doesn't effect us. You're a vampire." Jasper said matter-of-factly.

Emmett turned and gasped at Jasper.

"I'm a WHAT!?!"

**OKay so I see this was sorta of Jake and Renesmee fluff. Really short, or shorter than usual. Hope you liked it...and oh!**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hola! I know, It's been a hundred years since I updated, and I'm weely sowwy, I swear. Updates will be sooner. Promise.**

** This chapter is dedicated to: RandomatGedz, TotalTwilight Fantic 212( ), Homegrl aka Amanda (She's alive again!!!) , Tiny Tim Tim, Tommygrl1997, JoanneSpencer95, mzboredasalways, btvs22, 1 Werewolf-of-Darkness1, shleygirl13, electric rose 09, iamnotupsetwithjasper, M.G. Christiani, Dragonridingattorney43, brittbad1, JasperSaysCalmDown, giraffeeelover33, ThatFreakyLittleFlutePlayer (Yeah...I guess it is now, lol), XXX-JASPER-XXX, funsizedevil, Stand Through The Pain (Haha...how'd you track me down!?!?!), klutzy-crazy-bandgeek, Emerald-Forever, spidermonkey95, gravity5, ccampbell542588, Twilightvampire258093 MarMarBlack, Angel that fell from the sky,****and Indirose. Thankyou all for reviewing and Favoriting :)))))**

**Disclaimer: Listen ...I know what I do own....like thirty bucks from babysitting. But Twilight? Yea..not gonna happen.**

**Thankyouthankyouthankyou Stormz for beta-ing! (She changed her penname)**

**Chapter 11: PARENTING FOR DUMMIES **

**BellaPOV**

Just Renesmee and I were home. Edward told us that he had to go hunt in another forest so we don't completely wipe out the entire deer population in Forks. I agreed, but a whole day seemed like a century without Edward.

Carlisle had to go to work, big surprise. It seemed like that man worked all the time. How he could deal with rude, dying humans at the hospital and us childish vampires at home was beyond me. He left, checking his beeper, telling all of us, while we were all here, that he had a few important surgeries he had to accomplish today, and not, even if our heads were on fire or someone ripped one of our limbs off, to call. That, my friend was seriously noted.

Esme was working on the current houses in Forks. They were building a "Village" some miles off, and she wants to model the place from top to bottom. It'll take her all 24/7 to get it done, knowing that we can't sleep she means that literally. She was busy, so I promised myself not to ask for anything while she was gone.

Rosalie and Emmett. Sigh.... must I say more? They got a little tempted upstairs and thought it would be in everybody's best wishes if they just leave before anything could get damaged. We all agreed, but before Rose or Em heard our replies, they were gone.

Alice didn't go shopping for the past 3 days. We were all surprise she lasted that long, but a commercial for a 2 day sale got her up off the couch. She didn't even need to ask Jasper to go with her, he just stood up and left right behind her. Alice promised to be back by four, but when it came to shopping, she comes back two hours later than she estimates. Its the Customer's Clock and pretty important to go by.

Jake. Jake told me he was taking a sleep day. A "do nothing day". A "I'd rather sit on my ass and read a car magazine than help you out today day" In other words, Jake decided it was his day off from us vampires, and ditched me.

"Mommy...I think you burnt them." Renesmee said. I looked down at the eggs I was working on. No...not burnt, but not perfect. Shouldn't they be perfect? I mean, I cooked how much as a human?

"You're still hungry, right?" I ask her, and she shrugs. I give her a look and she answers me correctly. I give her the eggs and she eats them silently. After admiring her perfect little face as she eats I pick her up so she can get dressed.

Renesmee, always trying to be the big girl, wanted to walk up the stairs on her own. She can do it with ease, I just like carrying her weightless little form up.

We entered Renesmee's new room which was completely refurnished by the charms of Alice and Esme. And I have to say, it looks better that Edward's and mine.

I mean its huge. BIG. Ridiculously large for a 7...er...1 year old.

Renesmee ran through her purple little room and to her closet. Hmmhmhm...you thought her room was big. The closet was twice as big.

You know how parents keep the baby clothes? Well Nessie-ah-Renesmee, grows a little slower now, and her clothes are starting to fit regularly. That means her closet is filled with little shirts and skirts that she absolutely adores, and can actually wear. I walked through what felt like Burlington Coat Factory of a room to the back when I make her wear less flashy clothes(I mean,c'mon, she's practically 7!). I passed her dress up things which were really shiny and shimmery. Then her hats and ties and bows...ridiculous...but cute.

I picked out a little white tee with pink little stars, and stretch jeans. I turn around and she does at the same time. Renesmee is wearing a mini miniskirt with a saggy lining and a blue shirt that goes well over her belly button.

"No. Way." I say and she frowns.

"Yes way, mommy. I like this skirt!" She says shyly to me.

I've never seen that skirt in my life. I walk over to take off the skirt but she backs up. I take one more step, and she backs up again. This is getting frustrating.

"Renesmee, give me the skirt."

"No, mommy." She says.

"Renesmee!!! Give it to me this instant!" I quoted from my mother herself. That's what Renee would say to me almost everytime I would refuse to give her the remote to the tv.

Renesmee gave me a look the resembled Edward's, and turned and ran out the room. I could hear her huff, she was going as fast as she could. I could even hear her heartbeat. I stood there for a second, to let my sudden anger burn down.

Then I ran.

Of course, Renesmee was no match for me at all. She was tiny with little stride and short jumps, and didn't even make it to the steps before I grabbed her arm. She squealed but laughed when I carried her up the steps and back into her closet, putting on the shirt and jeans that I had picked out in the first place.

As I sat her on her bed and put her slippers on, and put the hair clips in her hair, the ones I know she'll pull out any minute, she struggled against me, and tried to push me away. She even tried to hit my but I moved back. My daughter was incredibly spoiled, blame Alice and Rosalie.

She put her little hand on my cheek and showed my the image of her in the little skirt again.

"No, little one. I said no."

She huffed and stormed out the room, back downstairs to the living room. I walked behind her, knowing she won't dare turn around and tell me otherwise. When we got downstairs she played with the dolls that I guess will be permanently headless, and I sat on the sofa and watched her carefully. The non-headless ones were all dressed in weird, colorful, over-exaggerated fashions.

It was Alice's choice for her to get a barbie and Ken doll that looked like everyone of us. Emmett and Rosalie were barely played with, because Renesmee has Emmett jumping out of a plane, sky diving everyday, and Rosalie asked if Ness wouldn't play with such an ugly toy, because the weird face structure of the thing did no justice for Rosalie's precious name.

Edward and I, her barbies, were always played with and quoted, just as Jake and the Renesmee dolls were always played with. Jake took care of her, played with her and in one game, they cliff dived. Weird? I don't think so.

My head snapped up when a show I love came on, Two and a Half Men. Jake got me hooked to it. The show has to do with Charlie, a rich, drunk, whore of a man who writes music for commercials for a living, and his brother, Alan, who divorced his awful wife Judith, and now lives with his brother Charlie in his Malibu beach house. Alan's son, Jake (Which is why Jacob likes the show) is incredibly naive to all the sexual puns and situations that his uncle and family deal with everyday, just says dumb jokes that make me laugh for no specific reason.

The show started with the weird theme song that goes "Men men men men menny men men men..MEN!" and Alan starts talking about how he had went home with a woman last night and did some pretty inappropriate things.

"She was absolutely fantastic." He says, and gives his brother some kind of look. I laugh loudly, and Nessie...gosh!... Renesmee, gave me that look the reels you in like a fish to a worm. Or a fish to a hook? I don't know...I don't fish.

"What's so funny?" She asked me.

"Alan...uh..." What do I say? Made a joke? But he didn't he...um..." read a book." I say. What? Don't look at me like that! She's like 1!

"What kind a book?" She asked.

"Um...one on...biology. The creation of human beings?" I said like a question, her face completely intrigued in the subject. Renesmee loves education, and I just gave her a reason to actually listen to me. Out of all things...why does it have to be so awkward?

"Really, what happens in the book?" Can this get any worse?

"Well...its different for everybody...like uh, when Emmett and Rosalie read the book...they think its..." What do I say? I sit back and think for the right word.

"What mommy?" She questions more.

"Fun...funny. Its funny for them, that why they read it all the time." I answer. She says "Oh" and turns around, playing again. Me, thinking this conversation was over sat upright, even though I don't need to, and continued to watch the show.

Then Renesmee, asked the question I was begging that she wouldn't. I wish I had the power to got back in time, before I said anything about a stupid book.

"How's the book for you and Daddy?" She says and looks up from her little game.

How am I suppose to answer the question? I know what your thinking, 'don't answer it at all.' but I don't want to do that to her. She asked a question politely and she deserved to have it answered.

"When we read the book, its--" I started, but the phone rang loudly from across the room. I dashed to the foyer to where it was and answered the phone."I'll tell you in a second." I told her.

"Hello?" I say, relief obviously present.

"Hey Bells! Its Jake, what going on?" He enthused through the phone.

"It just me and Nessie-ah-Renesmee here today, because you bailed on us." I said with this warning tone in my voice. He chuckled and I heard a bag of chips open.

"Hey, can't a guy have a break? And its just you two? Hey, can I ask you somethin'?" He asked me. That was a question...man I hate that. I shrugged, but remember that he couldn't see me, and said 'yea.'

"Go ahead." I was curious to what he wanted to ask me.

"Why aren't you dead yet? Metaphorically speaking."

"What're you talking about?" I groan. I wasn't in the mood for his weird jokes.

"I'm just saying, Ness is a monster. She'll eat you alive...I know." He told me in a serious tone.

"I wrote the list for you, remember?" Stupid...he did forget.

"Yea...whatever. You sound super tense...what did she break?" He asks.

I sighed. Maybe I should tell him.

"I was watching that show you liked, and one of the characters made a joke about "it" and I laughed...and Renesmee wanted to know what was so funny so I told her Alan read a book about people but that book really is...and then I told her Emmett and Rosalie "read the book" and that they do it all the time and then she asked me what's the book like for me and Edward and I started to answer so now she expects an answer...." I take a breath, even though I don't need it.

Jake paused for a second and exhale, and said, "Excuse me for a minute." and I hear the phone back up from his mouth, a huge, unnecessary laugh blasted on the other line from where I'm standing, and I pull the phone from my face for awhile until he stops laughing.

"You done?" I ask.

"Yea...haha...why the hell did you do that? Like...dude...I don't know what to say to ya. You should just tell her you guys have--"

"Don't say it." I warn.

"Don't say what?" I could picture his smile on the other side.

"It." I tell him, knowing he won't take it that far.

"Bella...You. Should. Just. Tell. Her. You. Guys. Have.--"

"Stop!" I yell hoping he won't say it.

"Sex!" He screamed and laughed. I scowled and cringed, the word just so uncomfortable. If I can't stand the word if someone else says it....how will I be able to explain this to Renesmee.

"I don't know..." He told me.

Oh man...I said that out loud? Fail.

"How 'bout you just don't tell her at all?" Jake questions.

"Because I made it clear that I would tell her...And, Renesmee and I don't really talk that much, and this is an awesome chance to loosen the glue between you too." I say, and Jake laughs again. In the corner of my eye I see Renesmee walk up to me, and pulls on my leg.

"Is that Jakey?" She asked, and I smiled and handed her the phone. I can hear everything perfectly from where I was standing, deciding to listen in on there conversation in case Jake tries something funny.

"Hey Nessie!" He says. The conversation starts and ends how they usually do. She explains her day so far, and vice versa, until Jake runs out of food to munch on. One time, because Jake had to go visit some family, Jake and Renesmee were up all night talking about keys. Keys. Like keys to unlock a door with...weird much?

She hung up the phone and turned on the heels of her feet back to me. For a second, again, I think that she forgot the whole situation. But then, she brings it up again, and I wait until another call interrupts us.

"Want some cake? Ice cream or something like that? I would think all that talking would make you hungry for sweets." I say.

Take the bait...take the bait....

"Yeah!" She yells.

Yes!

I walk into the kitchen and get her all this junk that I can't believed I ate when I was human. I placed the whole bowl and watched in amazement as she devoured everything that was existing in the bowl.

"Wanna go somewhere?" I ask, and she gets up and wipes her shirt a little bit, and agrees without even knowing where to.

"How about the...park?" I say hesitantly, and Renesmee sits back and thinks.

"Will Jakey be there?" She asks with a pout.

"No...he has to stay home...he has a lot of chips to eat." I say, and we make it outside to my car. The car Edward got me, and officially the car I hate. I buckled Renesmee in the backseat, and checked twice that it was on right. I know what you're thinking..."That kid is practically indestructable!!" But, you're wrong, Renesmee is actually pretty fragile, and can get hurt. Just the other day when Emmett thought it would be a good idea to let my daughter practically jump off the roof and to the trampoline. She did of course, Emmett being her sky diving king, jump off and bounce on top of the trampoline a few times until Emmett jumped, and went straight through, when Renesmee was still in the air.

I came outside when her face almost hit the ground, when Emmett effortlessly caught her. But after assuring me that she was alright for the hundredth time, he picked her up to prove that she was fine...

And then I saw it.

A bruise, tiny, but there, on her perfect little arm. I gasped, and Emmett, I believe, had to be really afraid of me. Now we have 12 trees and the side of the house that Emmett face imprints.

I started the car, off to the closest park in Forks. Looking up out into the sky, I saw several clouds, blanketing the sky. Renesmee needs to play with other kids...I guess. She deals with us everyday, maybe she should play with kids her age...er..somewhat.

When the playground came to view, Renesmee started squealing in delight, I slowly unbuckled her car seat so she could calm down a bit. When I finally opened it, she zoomed over to the swings where kids were already occupying. She knows the rule: Act human.

I sat on the bench next to the other moms, two actually, where they eyed me.

"How much work did she get done on her face?!" One with red hair whispered. Hello...even if I didn't have heightened senses...I still would be able to hear here.

"It doesn't look like she did...." The blonde one said.

"Well...no one looks like that. I mean...she looks, 18. She has no flaws!" Redhaid said. She huffs when the blonde woman doesn't agree with her, and turns to me. "Hi, darling...I'm Sharon. Is that your little sister?" She asks, and points to Renesmee.

"No, no...that's my daughter, her name is Renesmee." I smile at them, and the blonde one squints.

"Well, I'm Carol. How old are you?" She coughs out. Sharon hits her on the arm, and Carol breathes out a "What?"

"I'm..." 19! But don't worry. Technically I don't have an age, considering I'll live forever..."26."

"26!?!" Sharon breathes. "Well...you look, 17!"

"Do I?" I say nonchalantly. "Well...this face is all natural." ...venom...

"Really? Well how old's your daughter?" Asks Carol.

"She's..." 1. "5! She's not in kindergarten, but I'm registering her in a few months." I say. But they don't look impressed. It's like middle school all over again. You had to impress the popular girls who knew everybody to have peace. They don't like you...nobody does.

"So are you new? We've never seen you around here before...that's my son Jimbob." Carol says, and points to a little boy with big green eyes, chubby cheeks, and hair as blond as his mother's. He's quite overweight, actually.

"Jimbob?" I asked, making sure I got his name right.

"Oh, his name is Jameson, but my mother calls him James, my husband calls him Jim, all the kids call him Jimmy which became Bobby somehow, and then we just combined the two...so Jimbob! I think it fits him." She says dreamily.

So far Sharon hasn't' said much to me. Did I do something wrong? I squirm in my seat when I see that she's looking a me. More like scrutinizing...

"Where's your husband?" Sharon sneers at me. I nearly flinch. Where did that come from?

"He's...out. He had a meeting about the, wildlife in Forks."

"What's his name?" She asks immediately.

"Edward." I say, just as swiftly.

"When were you married?" She inquires even more.

Think...think...think!!!! "Um, 6 years ago..." I say, I hope they can't tell I'm lying. Before Meany Sharon could say anything more, Renesmee runs over with something in her hand. She shows me a little green frog, and tries to give it to me, I shake my head and told her that I'll pass. Renesmee insisted that I had it and shoved it into my hands.

Its slimey and green and little, and...kinda cute.

"Put that down! That can give her warts! Don't you know this?" Sharon tells me.

Uh.... I know that, she just really loves, well everything, and she likes to share." I tell them and and lets the frog go. Renesmee whines and puts her hand on my face, and I panic.

"Renesmee, you can't do that here." I say quickly, and she frowns.

"But why noooot? Nobody will know!" She tells me. I notice her dirty shirt, covered in mud, sand, and granite from the ground.

"Because I said so." I push her to go play and she does, telling me that she'd rather play with someone other than me anyway.

"...what was that about?" Carol asks me.

"She...likes...my face?" True. " She tells me everyday that I'm the most beautiful mother in the world." Okay, nooot true.

"That's so sweet! I wish I had a daughter like that!" Carol beamed.

"Shut. Up. Carol." Sharon sneered. "Well. That's my baby girl, Lilly." Sharon says to me, and points over to a red haired girl, which I have to admit myself, was really pretty for someone in her age group. Next to Lilly, were two other girls, both quite dark haired, that lingered on every single word that Lilly said.

Sharon smiled at her daughter, and Lilly gave an obedient wave back. Gosh.

"Wow she's really...social." I tell Sharon.

"Well, everybody loves her. She's so nice, she's only seven, but she's imacculate. She does all her work, cleans her room, and listens to everything me and her father says. She's brilliant and incredibly bright, she's practically perfect!" Sharon bragged. Carol smiled and agreed with everything Sharon said. I sighed.

"Do you think it would be a possibility if Renesmee and Lilly could be...friends?" I ask shyly. Sharon cackled and looked at me with an amused face.

"Haha, what?" She pauses and then looks at me up and down. "...of...uh.. course! I mean, as long she doesn't try to give my daughter a frog." Sharon tried to grin at me, but it resembled a grimace.

I'm not really liking the Sharon Lady.

My phone rings in my pocket, and I look at the I.D. Edward.

"It's my husband. Excuse me." I walk over to the trees and answered.

"Hey babe." I say into the phone.

"Hello love. Everything okay?" He asks.

"I guess..." I say quite confidently.

Edward sighs. "What's wrong?" Seriously!?!? Am I that predictable?

"Nothing!" I lie.

"Nice try, what is it? Where are you guys?" He asked me with a little alarm.

"We're at the park, just me and Nessie...ah...Renesmee. And these mothers that hang out here are talking to me and they're making me very uncomfortable. I keep lying to them and telling them things that I wouldn't normally say! What is it about people, that makes me act so weird! Gosh Edward, what do I do?" I ask.

"First of all, calm down. I think you're over reacting. Just don't talk to anyone. ANYONE, and that will help you relax. I promise, okay? What did I just say?"

I breathe. "Don't talk to anyone." I told him, and I practically picture his smile through the phone.

"I'll be back tonight, see you then. I love you." He tells me.

"See you then, I love you too." I say back, then hang up the phone.

I always take Edward's advice, they work. I sat back down next to Carol and Sharon, and made it clear on my face that I was not in the mood to be messed with.

"That was your husband, right?" Carol asks. I nod my head.

"What did he say?" Sharon inquires. I shrug.

"Was it something bad?" Carol whispers. I shake my head.

Gosh, this not talking thing is pretty easy.

Then my phone rang again. Alice. Should I? But Edward said...

_Just don't talk to anyone. ANYONE_

And I guess that means her too. Sorry Alice.

After another minute. My phone goes off again. I groan and looked at it again. It's...well what do you know! It's Alice! I press silent, and soon after that, I get a text message.

_What are you doing? Answer the damn phone! There's something I have to tell you which is REALLY important. Am I disturbing something! You never ignored a call before! PLEASE Bella! Before it happens! -Ally_

I read the text message twice. It does seem important, but if it really was, she'd put it in the text, right?

Right?

My phone goes off again and I finally think to pick it up.

"Bella! Finally!"

"Alice, what is it?" I say, and she sighs.

"Did you even watch the news today?!"

"What?"

"God! You don't even need me! What the hell are you doing at a park!" She screamed at me.

"I don't know! It's a really long story!"

"Well, Little Bella! But the -"

"Alice, what is it!"

"Bella the sun! The sun's gonna come out!" She yells, just when I look at Renesmee. I hear Alice's screams in the background, but I'm not even paying attention.

I see my baby, biting another kid on the playground, just as I sense a scream about to ring out.

But...oh no.

The sun, shining in the sky, splashed over the entire playground like a tsunami. Right over Renesmee and the kid she was biting who I now noticed as Lilly.

I panicked. How's was I supposed to get to her? How? HOW? I could run over there...but I will sparkle, then everyone will sorta know...and then...and then...

Please, I think to myself, please clouds, move.

"Bella!!!" I hear Alice say.

"Yes!" I scream.

"I know what you were about to do...please, just, don't move." She tells me.

"Mommmmmy!!!!!!" Lilly yells. Sharon gets up and runs over to her daughter, and picks her up. Renesmee ran over to me with no sign of blood on her face, but a huge grin was evident.

Everyone turned around to see where we were, and accuse us of all kinds of awful, uncivilized things, but when they searched, we were already down the road and near our house.

I calmed down after a few minutes, and sat on the sofa snuggling up with Renesmee. We watched a bunch of shows like Spongebob and FlapJack, and other things that insult children's intellectual capacity.

After Renesmee got restless, we walked into the kitchen and ate ice cream, (Yes...I ate it to. It was disgusting. Tasted like horse poo...don't ask me how I would know). Two bowls of Chocolate Chunky Express later, we talked about Renesmee's clothing, and how we should go shopping for some things.

Jacob strode into our living room suddenly, and skipped (Yes, skipped) into the kitchen without saying hi. He went into our cabinet and took out various snacks, and spread them out onto the table.

"Ran out of chips...what I miss?" He smiled at me and then to Renesmee.

"Nothing much." I say, and started to put all the chips and snacks back. They are for when he is actually hungry, not for when he's...

"Bored. Soooo bored." Just as he said this, Edward walks in and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Ohhh, I have an idea!" Renesmee says to Jacob. I look at Edward's face and I can tell he's filing through their minds like a book.

"What?" Jacob says as he stuffs something in his mouth.

"We could..." Renesmee starts.

Please don't...

"Read the book!" She exclaims. I see Jacob think for a while when sudden comprehension glows on his face.

"What? Nessie, do you know what that is?!'' Jacob laughs.

"Oh God!" Edward says, when he gets it too. "Bella, what happened!"

"Um...you mean the whole read book thing or the park thing?"

"The park thing?" Edward asks.

"You don't mean the whole Ness almost got kidnapped park thing do ya?" Jacob says looking back and forth between us.

"WHAT!?!?" Edward and I say at the same time.

"Kidnapped?" I ask.

"Read the book!?" Edward says to me.

"You do know what that means right..." Jake says.

"Yea I got it Jake!" Edward told him.

"It means..." He started.

"Jacob...don't say it!" I warn...

"Wait... When did Renesmee almost get kidnapped? And when did you go to the park?" He asks me and Jacob. We're both quiet, and then we both start talking furiously at the same time, but it was quite hard for me because I was trying to absorb what Jake was saying too.

Gosh, this is a mess.

"...and the next thing I knew it, Ness was gone!" Jake continued. I slapped him on the back of his head, and just stayed silent for a moment.

"Dude, you two are sucky parents." He told us. Edward shook his head and ran his hand through is hair.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, but you would think you'd have like, 20 kids dealing with Ness. Dude, I couldn't put up with it. But you guys need some help. Like a nanny."

"Well...Renesmee would just bite her." I regret the words once they leave my mouth,

"Huh?" Edward says.

"See ya!" Jake tells us, leaving all three of us, but his hands were full of the snacks I put back.

I think about this entire day. I can see that Edward was too. "Well...we really are sucky parents." I say to break the awkward silence.

"I guess we are." He answers. But when we look up, we see Renesmee sleeping peacefully on the couch. Without our help at all. She seemed so tired but a bit uncomfortable. Aww....now we just have to find a way to move her...

_Sigh_...Without waking her up.


End file.
